The Thoughts of A Filipino Jerk

Sa Pangatlong Buwan

2010-08-13T05:00:00.000-07:00

Mga pitong taon na ang nakalipas noong huli kong tinanong si Robert ng "Pare, what is love?". Sasagutin niya ito ng "Love is playing every game as if it's your last.". Ibang klase talaga si Jordan, masyadong nakaka-apekto ng pagkatao.

One of the things I have learned the past month is that maturity is measured by how responsible we are over our own decisions. Nobody told me to love Kaye and to give everything I can to make her feel loved and special. Though I am not perfect and that my love may not be even enough to equate her sacrifices, I promise to stay with her always and to support her on every decision she makes, as much as I can, given my humanity. Yes, she is younger than me by birth-age but never in heart- nor mind-age. I do not want her to feel being controlled nor manipulated by my subconscious enforcement of my delusional philosophies. I want her to create her own dreams and catch them on her own. For it is in that sense I shall feel that I have made my part -- to help her be the best she could.

I fear that I may not be best man for her. That she may meet someone much much better than me. But such thought does not bring me down. Rather, it is a constant slap in the face, a reminder that I should not be doing the mistakes I have done in the past. On another perspective, she, herself, brings the best in me without effort. Oh yes, it is those sweet touching smile and burning eyes inviting me to her soul that keeps me striving to be the best in everything I do and will do.

If she can be me in a minute, she will know how much happiness she brings in my life. Not just the temporary ecstasy she injects every time she hugs me but also the ever lasting stitched-smile she makes me do from the thought that she is mine.

We know it is not easy. It never were. With the innate imperfections we have, we can not promise not to make mistakes but with utmost effort we will do our best not to take it against the other but rather an effect of the shortcomings we ourselves have committed.

She may not be the best woman in the world but she is the best lover for me. Though we are not each others' first lover, we pray that we are each others' last.

And for all of this, I know for sure that love is indeed giving our all. It is a choice. So as happiness, and contentment.

Happy 3rd month mahal ko! To eternity with you.

Sa Bagong Kapitulo

2010-06-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

This is the time I stop again and think about my life. I told myself that if ever God gives me someone to be with, I would stop procrastinating and start doing great things. I thank Him for giving Kaye. I cannot ask more. But the question is, am I ready to do greater things from now on?

Kaye is the cue that I should be doing something significant. That I should be doing my part of the contract. Sakit ko ito eh. Masyado akong nage-enjoy sa isang bagay at nakakalimutan ko na yung mga kailangan kong gawin. Hindi niyo rin naman ako masisisi dahil mahal na mahal ko talaga siya. Next step is to channel that love to something productive in the sense of being useful to others and being able to be great. Whatever that means.

Fortunately, Kaye's effect to my life is more than I ever wanted. She makes me think of far more beautiful things. She does not only make me dream of greater dreams but also make me feel that we'll eventually catch them.

Kung may leveling ang love, sa amin na siguro yung pinakamataas. Nabubuhay kami sa pang-unawa sa isa't-isa. Naniniwala kaming sa pagbibigay ng tiwala at kalayaan naipapakita ang tunay na pagmamahal. Walang galit. Walang bahid ng pagmamaramot. Walang ni katiting na pagmamakasarili. Hindi ko akalaing makakakita ako ng taong pareho ko ng konsepto ng pagmamahal.

Ito na ito. Malaki na ako. Ibibigay ko sa kanya lahat at ipapanalangin kong huwag itulot na paghiwalayin kami ng pagkakataon at lalo pang higit na pagigtingin ang pagtitinginan naming hindi nawawalan ng kilig sa panahong magtatama ang aming mga mata.

Salamat sa Diyos. Gagawin ko ang lahat para maging yung taong hindi lang niya hindi ikahihiya pero yung tipong ipagmamalaki niya sa mundo. Para sa iyo ito Kaye. Para sa atin. Para sa panahong ipagsasama natin habang buhay.

On Papa's 44th

2010-05-05T12:04:00.000-07:00

Only three hours have passed after my father's 44th birthday officially ended. I stop, look around, observe and try to formulate answers to the littlest questions that pop from my head this time. The efforts, the tears, the years that have passed. It is the time I ask myself, "What do I really want?".

It was in 2007 that my view in life changed big time. I was never this idealistic. I was never this dreamy about things way beyond my grasp. It is only now that I see the triviality of my existence, and everyone's as well. It is only now that I am growing.

You see, society has kept us blind from the beauty of introspection and the thoughts that dreams are made to be followed not just to be stared upon. We do not get what we want because of luck but because of all the sweat-drenched t-shirts we washed. It is only not that success is the fruit of our labors but also the other way around.

Life is a sequence of problems ordered in an approximately increasing difficulty. We encounter a question, we try to solve that question, we find answers, we move on then encounter another problem. If we look at it this way, then life is all about puppets climbing a mountain with a non-existent peak with a constant supply of boulders ramming on their, the puppet's, faces. The puppets know they're not free but have no grasp of what's on the other side of the string. All they know is that it moves in weird intervals leaving them fate to gravity's mercy in between.

We cannot serve two masters but masters can have two slaves. It's either I stick with pursuing my research career or stop and go lead the money-making train. Shall I try to be a great scientist or a superb manager? In the end, it all boils down to what we need. I need money to feed myself and to keep my family kicking and alive. But I also need to do what I want to do as it keeps me from falling from this self-made pedestal of ego and pride. Funny, I practically type-casted a want to a need.

Proves my point. Nothing is absolute. Reality itself is relative. Right now, I shall go expand my horizon. No time for senseless lolligagging.

Sa Banal na Hapunan

2010-03-13T07:40:00.001-08:00

It's been quite a while, I guess. Looking back, things have changed drastically just over the past year. I may not be the best on what I do but I am happy being able to teach and influence the brightest minds in the country.

I know I am not perfect. I am not even teacher or professor material with all my "wala salugar na kalokohan", but this is who I am.

Hindi ako magiging kasing yaman ng mga ka-batch ko o kaibigan kong nagtratrabaho sa labas ng academe. Hindi ako magiging kasing sikat ng mga tao sa telebisyon. Hindi ako magkakaruon ng sobrang gandang asawang mabait, mapang-unawa at sobrang talino. Hindi ako ang pinakamatalinong tao at lalong hindi ako mas matalino sa mga tinuturuan ako. Nagkataon lang na nauna ako sa kanila. Pero hindi ang mga ito ang sukatan ko ng tagumpay o ng kaligayahan.

Salat man ako sa pera puno naman ako sa pagmamahal sa ginagawa ko. Wala man akong maipagmamalaking kagandahang lalaki pero may mga kaibigan akong patuloy na nagmamahal sa akin maputulan man ako ng ulo. Mamahalin ko kung sino man ang ibigay sa akin ng Dios na makakasama ko habang buhay maging sino o ano man siya. Sisikapin kong maabot ang mga pangarap ko kahit na mamamatay din naman tayong lahat sa huli.

Hindi ako nagtuturo para sumikat o para ipakita kong mas mataas ako sa iba kundi dito lang ako masaya. Gusto kong mag-research, maging doctor hindi dahil mas mataas na uri ako ng tao kung nagkataon kundi gusto kong may maibigay sa mundo, sa sarili kong paraan.

Para sa babaeng hindi ko pa nakikita o nakita ko na pero hindi ko lang pinapansin, maghintay ka lang dahil sa ngayon, masaya pa ako. Puwede ka namang ngumiti kung gusto mo at sabay tayong tatakbo.

A 1:00 am Thought

2009-09-06T09:59:00.000-07:00

Wilmarc Lopez feels that nothing fades with time. Everything just turns into something better or worse that comes ramming to our faces every time we make decisions. And no matter how hard things are, we still manage to pick ourselves up and put our body parts together, because we already ate that crap before.

An Open Letter to "101.9 For Life"

2009-07-11T19:26:00.000-07:00

Good day!

First let me apologize for the informality of this message. I don't usually listen to FM stations but it has come to my knowledge that yesterday, DJ China Heart allegedly criticized the government's decision over the so called INC holiday.

And with that, I respectfully and strongly suggest that before you broadcast something, especially strong statements, please make sure to consider both sides of the "equation".

The INC has been here for 95 years, culminating the Filipino nation in almost every aspect. Health, education, charity, some sort of unification and stability, and hope for many, unfortunately not DJ China Heart, among others amidst the blurring good future for our government and being a nation as a whole.

In fact, the INC is considered to be an international church that has its roots here in the Philippines. It implicitly imparts a huge part of being a Filipino to the whole world reaffirming that Pinoys are still God-fearing, deed-doing, nation-loving people amidst strong punches of bad connotations and stereotypes from other races.

Taking to account what you call "Freedom of the press/media", I say you have all the legal rights, but please remember that every concept of freedom we have has a responsibility glued to it.

More power!

Shooting Games and Random Crap

2009-07-10T08:16:00.001-07:00

Dahil naglalaro ako ng Bioshock at Call of Duty 2 ngayon, wala lang.
Must watch ito!

Now, I Wonder

2009-07-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

Why am I in the faculty of the country's premier institution for higher learning?

Am I really that good? I don't think so.

Maybe my definition of good is not what the world understands it.

By such reasoning I fail.

But I shall not falter.

Not yet.

Happiness

2009-06-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

Today, I again find myself deluded with thoughts. And I like it. I've talked to certain people about my idea of happiness this past days. And I guess it's about time I immortalize it with technology.

Happiness is, well, just, a state of mind. When I think about it, everything is just a piece of that neuron synapse that comes running from point to point inside our brains. The thing is, love, hope, anger and other feelings manifest through concrete three-dimensional entities.

So almost everything is a matter of association or picking the implementation or physical representation. Control over this mechanism absolutely ensures emotional and spiritual contentment. Of course, concepts like hunger and thirst characterize through involuntary physical reactions, hence we have no absolute control.

If I say that the physical world has a one to one correspondence to the thoughts in our heads, we have heck a lot of stuff swimming on those cerebrums. On the other hand, if the dimensions do not fit perfectly in size, then we are certain that someone have given much power to that of the greater.

By the oh-so-popular concept of free will, I can say that humans are blessed with the power of choice. It is really amazing how God has given us the whole earth, no, the whole universe to play with. We have been given the chance to associate our thoughts to virtually almost anything we want. And what do we do? We let other people decide for us. We let culture spoil the very core of what have made us humans by being passive to ideas and flashy sounds of false happiness.

Do we really pay attention to the choices we have in life or we just go along the tides? Do we really exercise the gift that we can control our own concept of happiness, sadness, success or contentment? Why is it that some of us deliberately deliver themselves to acts that cause sadness to others?

We can never say we never had a choice but I guess we can always say we are not intelligent enough.

Sa Mata ng Iba

2009-06-26T09:54:00.000-07:00

Masaya ako dahil nakakasama ko araw-araw ang mga pinakamagagaling na tao sa Pinas sa field ko. Pero dahil nga ganoon, napaka-normal lang naman pala nila.

Madalas akong makatanggap ng pagkilala na mas mababa sa inaasahang pakikitungo sa mga taong nasa posisyon ko ngayon. Malaking hadlang talaga ang pagiging itsurang mas bata sa tunay kong edad, naks! Sa totoo lang hindi ko naman binibigyan ng masyadong isip ang status ko, dahil sabi nga ni Sir Phil sa akin, "Bakit, sino ka ba?".

Sino nga ba ako? Sampid lang naman akong sinwerteng makapasok sa faculty eh. Sinwerte lang din na maganda ang undergrad thesis ko? (Joke) Sinwerte lang din ako at nakapag-aral ako sa South Korea. Sinwerte lang din ako na magaganda ang marka ko sa mga subjects ko sa undergrad. May magic talaga, may himala. Amen.

Mediocrity

2009-06-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

It's been two weeks since the classes have started. Nasa dalawang magkabaliktad na mundo ako ng sabay. Nakikisabay sa pag-ikot ng bolang hindi ko kilala. Ng larong hindi ko pa alam laruin.

Bago ako pumasok ng Diliman para magturo, noong malayo pa sa pakiramdam ko ang posibilidad na matanggap ako, napakarami kong pangarap. Mga pangarap na halos hindi ko na maalala ngayon. Ngayon alam ko na na ang mga pangarap ay gawa lang ng kalungkutan. Hatid lang ng hindi pagiging kuntento sa kung ano ang mayroon. Na-gets ko na kung bakit hindi tayo umuunlad na mga Pinoy in general, masyado tayong kuntento.

Naalala ko noon sa Baguio nang mga panahong mag-isa ako sa kwarto, mag-isa sa paglalakad sa Session Road, mag-isang manuod ng sine at mag-isang lumuluha. Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na lahat ng kalungkutang nararamdaman ko ay mapapalitan din ng kasiyahan, pasasaan nga ba naman at mag-uumaga rin. Nasanay akong huwag umasa sa iba. Natuto akong kumapit sa Dios ng buong-buo dahil alam ko na sa Kaniya nanggagaling ang lahat.

May mga panahong nagpapanata ako sa kapilya ng gabi. Alas diyes ata iyon kasabay nila Fernyl. Tatanggalin ko ang sapatos ko at magpapatirapa sa tribuna dahil sabi ni Mama ay lubos daw ang espiritu doon. Hindi siya nagkamali. Bawat patak ng luha ko hiniling ko sa Dios ang trabahong ito at ang magandang buhay para sa aming buong pamilya. Bawat hikbi ninais kong nawa'y hindi ako magkamali sa mga desisyon ko sa buhay. Bawat hampas ng palad sa dibdib hinandog ko ang buong sarili ko sa Dios, "Sa Iyo po ako", ang sabi ko. Hari nawa.

Malaki talaga ang nagagawa ng pag-iisa. Kaya matatalino ang mga ermitanyo dahil may pagkakataon silang tumingin sa mundo mula sa labas. Parang iyong sense ng Incompleteness Theorem. Unless you get out of the system, you will never ever understand everything. As if nothing makes sense. Kaya takot akong makisama sa ibang tao at malibang sa kasiyahang dala ng mundo. Iyon bang ngiti na naidudulot ng mga simpleng bagay na nagpapababa ng standards natin ng kasiyahan? Mangmang mang maituring, masaya pa rin.

At oo, mangmang ako. Naghahanap na ako ng pagkalinga ng ibang tao. Nagnanais na akong magkaroon ng taong mamahalin at magmamahal din sa akin unconditionally. Pero hindi ganoon kadali ang buhay at siempre lalo naman ang pag-ibig. Mahirap makita lalo na kung hindi naman naghahanap. Kung makakita man, hindi ka naman niya hinahanap. At kung hinahanap ka man niya, hindi naman kayo pareho ng paraan. Kaya nga sabi ko, "A waste of precious time".

Mayabang kasi ako kaya ang tingin kos a bawat panahon ko ay precious o mahalaga. Bawat tambay ko alam ko na somewhere sa mundo may nagagawang bago. May namamatay na mga tao sa gutom. May pinapanganap na mayaman. May nililibing pero hindi namamatay. At may buhay na tila naman patay. Tama, ang buhay natin ay isang malaking flowchart na puro diamond, puro descisions. Ang hindi nga lang masaya, higit pa sa dalawa ang puwede nating piliin. Mamimili lang ako kung gusto kong mabuhay at mamatay ng kagaya ng isang normal na Pilipinong nag-aral, nagtrabaho, nag-asawa, nagka-anak, tumatanda at namatay. O pwede akong maging isang taong importante. Kung ano man ang ibig sabihin noon, sa tingin ko ay sa edukasyon.

People's affirmations do not mean anything to me. I have my own standards. Unfortunately, this past months, it is lower than ever. And I pray that it will not go on like this... forever.

Sigaw ng Saklolo

2009-06-20T10:13:00.000-07:00

Hindi lahat ng tao nakakakain ng masarap. Hindi lahat ng Pilipino may sariling computer o may maayos na edukasyon. Sa katotohan, hindi ko alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng "maayos". Sa kahabaan ng Katipunan na halos araw-araw kong dinaraanan, pinapatay ako ng class struggles.

Nawawalan na ako. Dios ko po ibalik niyo ako sa Baguio.

Sa Mundong Nagiba

2009-06-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

Napakatagal ng panahon ng huli akong magsulat. Magisip ng makata. Tumigil at magmasid. Many things have changed many people have come and go. I guess nobody stays.

I think reality's finally eating me whole. I've lost my touch. I forgot to cry.

Mabuti pa ang isa sa aquarium na malapit sa akin at naghihintay lang ng pagkain. Natakot ako dati na paglabas ko sa tunay na mundo kakainin rin ako ng mga nakakatakot na bagay na kinamumuhian ko. Nauubos na rin ang naipon kong intellectual na lakas sa Korea. Nawawala na ang matinding alab ng nasyonalismo sa puso ko. Nakalimutan ko ng mag-isip.

Nagbago na ang mundo ko. Nagbago na naman ang mga tao sa palikid ko. Kailan kaya ako titigil maglakbay? Bakit ako nagiging pasibo?

Backward Ingenuity

2009-04-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

Gusto ko sanang mag-ingles dahil matagal na akong hindi nagsusulat ng malupit na essay na gamit ito. Pero mas maganda sigurong mag-Filipino muna. Matagal ko ng iniisip ito. Simula pa ng marinig ko ang terminong "Japanese Ingenuity" ng minsang nanunuod ng video sa Youtube tungkol sa kasalukuyang kalagayan ng Hapon ukol sa global financial recession. Iniisip ko kung bakit maski kine-claim natin, at sa tingin ko ay totoo naman, na ingenous tayo ay hindi naman tayo umaangat.

Ngayon sa tingin ko alam ko na ang sagot. Backward ingenous tayo (yes, sarili kong term!). Nagsisimula yan sa pagkabata. Gusto ko rin palang sabihin na ang reference object ko ay ako para malinaw. Tinuturuan tayong gamitin ulit ang mga pahina ng mga notebook na hindi natin nasulatan at ipunin para gumawa ng bagong notebook. O kaya naman huwag magtapon ng project ng mas matanda kasi pwedeng mai-pasa ng mga mas batang kapatid pagdating ng panahon. Bottom line, hinagupit tayo ng pagtitipid. At sa kultura natin, ang pagtitipid ay katalinuhan. Ingenuity.

Paglumaki ka, matutuo kang sumakay ng jeep, tricycle o padyak papasok sa paaralan. Hindi ba nakakatuwa na ang means of transpo natin ay hindi pa rin nagbabago mula ng panahon ng mga lolo at lola natin? Isang patunay ay may nasasabi silang, "Noong panahon namin ang pamasahe sa jeep ay piso". Kung manunuod ka ng mga old school na pelikula ni Rene Requestas na blurry pa ang dating, pansinin mong jeep pa rin ang gamit. At ang masaya pa diyan, kilala tayo sa Jeepney. Bakit? Kasi tayo [na] lang gumagamit ng ganitong sistema at nabibilib naman ang mga puti o kaya naman ay natutuwa sila dahil napananatili natin ang pagiging mga unggoy natin. Kahit na, tatak pa rin ito ng kagalingan nating mapanatili ang tradisyon natin at kagalingan sa pagmanipula ng orihinal na jeep mula sa kung sino man, Kano ata, para maging PUJ. Ingenuity. Slavery reassured.

Kapag nagtratrabaho ka na, kakainin ka ngayon ng mga conventions na hindi mabaluktot. Hindi mo ito mapapansin kasi nasa sistema na natin ang sumunod sa agos, ang hindi paghadlang sa norm. Tradisyon, kultura, relihiyon, elementarya, media, high school ay ilan lang sa mga matitibay na tagapagtaguyod ng close-mindedness. Kritikal ako hindi ako inutil at lalong hindi ako anti-religion. Kung anong uso doon tayo. Sanay tayo ma-spoon-feed sa paaralan. Ang mga nagnanais umalis sa sistema, kung hindi inaalis ng sapilitan, ay unti-unting kakainin ng lipunan. Nawawala ang creativity at nationalism dahil sa pagcoconcentrate sa English, Math at Science sa mga mababa at mataaas na paaralan. Ang mga palabas sa primetime ay mga istoryang kayang hulaan ng 3-year old bata ang susunod na mangyayari. Nagiging paboritong gawing tema ang sex at violence. Nawawala sa sinaryo ang mga makabuluhang dokumentaryo. Bakit natin pinipilit gayahin ang iba samantalang sila iyon? Wala na ba kayang ibang daan patungo sa hinaharap kundi ang siguradong lagusan papuntang bangin? Katalinuhan papunta sa wala. San ka nagkamali Pilipinas?

Baksakan ang mga lumang electronic devices, mga kotse atbp, galing Japan at South Korea. Ipinagmamaki nating magagaling ang mga mekaniko o elektroniko natin dahil kaya nilang ayusin ang mga hindi kayang ayusin ng mga kapit-bahay natin. Ilang bagay ang makukuha natin dito. Una, ang kagalingang ito ay gawa ng kahirapan at kawalan ng ibang option na mas makakatipid. Pangalawa, hindi kaya hind na nila talaga gingawa kasi mga ay may nagawa na silang mas bago? Ito naman kasi iyon eh. Kung bakit naman ang gagaling nating mag-hukay sa basurahan at gawing kapaki-pakinabang ang basura sa iba samantalang puwede naman nating gamitin ang katalinuhan at lakas na iyon para makipagcompete. Para makipag-unahan, halimbawa sa teknolohiya? Pabaliktad. Pinapakain lang tayo ng mga tae ng ibang lahi. Scientific stuff, soksay stuff, techie stuff lahat tayo ang taga-kain ng mga napanis at napagsawaan nang tuklas. Ingenuity. Scavenging.

Kapag tanda mo, ipapasa mo nga yon sa mga anak at apo mo ang mediocrity. Ang tradisyon ng "kababaang luob" at pagpapasaok na "utang" natin sa mga Espanyol, Amerikano, Hapon pati Koreano. Ang hospitability natin, para sa akin, ay gawa ng kawalan ng respecto sa sarili. Nasanay tayong kumapit at magmakaawa sa mga master natin, dahil mga alipin lang tayo. Mga Indiyo. Kung papakitaan natin sila ng maganda, baka sakaling bigyan nila tayo ng kaunting pagpapala. Kaya magaling tayong dumiyos dahil gusto natin ng superhero. Kasi mga bata tayong hindi alam ang gagawin at walang kaya kung walang nag-aalaga. Pabaliktad ang approach natin sa future. Limot na natin ang nakaraan. Akala natin na ang mga pagtatagumpay ng Pinas ay dahil sa mga mananakop kaya sinusubukan parin nating magpa-alipin. Wrong!

Lahat ng mga bagay na ito ay magkakarugtong at hindi nagiging totoo kung wala ang isa. Pinoy matalino ka. Subukan lang nating magbukas pa ng isip. Kasama ng mga pagbabagong maari nating makamit dagdag ang ugali nating matiisin, masiyahin at maka-Dios, sa tingin niyo ay may pipigil pa sa lakas ng dating ni Juan dela Cruz? Sa tingin ko wala na. Sana kayo din. Kung pabaliktad man ang takbo natin ngayon, pasasaan din ba at tatarik din ang daan. Habang nahihirapan ang iba, doon naman tayo aariba dahil mas madaling umakyat ng bundok ng nakatalikod.

Pagbubuhos

2009-04-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

Limang taon na ang nakalipas ng huli akong nagsuot ng puting polo na may bag. Limang taon na rin ang nakalilipas ng bumiyahe ako ng kasama si Jamie (Robert) sa tricycle sa gilid ng McDo papuntang Roosevelt. Pero ilang oras lang ang nakalipas ng huli kong pinilit ang sarili kong gawin ang mga bagay na ayaw ko naman. Ganoon ata talaga ang buhay, pilitan. Mas maganda sigurong gawin nating noun ung "pilitan" para classic iyong dating at may pagka-epic.

Sa totoo lang hindi naman ako seryoso sa mga pag-aaral ko. Kung anong mangyari ay mangyari na lang. Mataas lang ata ang standards ko kaya ang ok na sa akin ay above average na pala kahit papaano. Kaya nga nabubuhay ako sa pag-seset ng goal na lubos at higit sa mga dapat ko lang abutin. Malamang nga ay labas na ako sa mediocrity kung purong acads o buhay lang ang pagbabatayan. Pero nga, wala namang perpekto.

Nitong mga nakaraang araw, panay ang galit at init ng ulo ni mama. Sa totoo lang, namimiss ko na ang pagiging malambing niya noong mga nakaraang taon lalo na pagdating ko ng Korea. Pero siguro nga ay bumabalik lang tayo sa kung ano tayo pagdating ng certain na panahon. Hindi ko naman siya masisisi. Napakasipag niya at halos hindi na nagpapahinga. Sobrang kuripot kasi at ultimo dalawang piso ay panghihinayangan niyang gastusin kapalit ng pagod na hindi naman justified.

Simula pa ng bata ako ay hindi talaga ako masipag sa bahay. Pero gingawa ko lahat ng trabahong ibinigay sa akin mapa-ano pa man iyon. Panganay kasi ako at natuto akong mang-unawa ng nararamdaman ng iba sa batang edad. May mga bagay nga na ngayon ko lang nasasabi sa kanila tulad ng mga pang-bubully sa akin at mga sakit sa balat noong elementary ako. Ayoko kasing dagdagan ng problema ang nanay ko dahil alam kong hirap siya dati pa. Lalo na ngayon at apat kaming pasan niya.

Tama ang mama. Wala nga akong silbi sa paglalaba at pagluluto. Dalawang bagay na hindi ko talaga ginustong matutunan. Iniisip ko na gagalingan ko sa pag-aaral ko, kahit papaano, para hindi ko na kailangang gawin iyon paglaki ko. Sa kaso ko ngaun, ang panahon ng "paglaki" ay pinapasok ko na, nahuhuli na ako. Marami akong nakikita sa mga napapanuod ko na mga Hollywood films at series na mga taong mahuhusay, di umano, na ok naman sa paglalaba at pagluluto. Kailangan ko ng lulunin ang pride ko at buksan ang tenga sa palaging sinasabi ni Papa na disiplina at ang walang kamatayang time management.

Malaking problema nga lang ay mahilig akong mamroblema ng hindi ko naman dapat problemahin. At isa pang napansin kong pagbabago sa sarili ko ay pagiging walang emosyon ko. Ang pagiging matigas at rasyonal sa lahat ng bagay. Hindi ako nawawalang ng lambing sa mga kapatid ko pero wala akong maramdmang reaksyon kapag nagagalit ang mga tao sa paligid ko, nagwawala man o nagsisigaw sa sakit. Manhid na ako sa pangyayaring masyadong cliche. Alam ko na ang mangyayari kaya hindi na ako nagugulat.

Bilang taong positive, positiver, nakikita kong ang conflict sa mga ugali namin ngayon sa bahay ay paraan lang ng Dios para maka-iwas kami sa mas malalang damage pagdating ng panahon kung sakaling nagpatuloy kami sa ganito. Sa lagay ni mama, hindi na lang ako magsasalita sa kanya. Bali-baliktarin ko man ang mundo. Sa kanya pa rin ako nanggaling.

The Essence of Graduation

2009-03-24T19:13:00.000-07:00

NOT a good post. Actually, a bad post.

Etymology. I have been amused with words. Those who personally know me would agree if I say that I constantly and annoyingly pun. But this is not about punning, this is about the question of whether Computer Science is a real science (or not, of course). From here on, the notion of true/real science refers to the formal division of knowledge or study. I do know my philosophy, but for now, let's set postmodernism aside.

First we ask the question: "What is science for?". From Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time (no it's not a movie, it's a book), it is for finding one unified theory of everything or at least the universe we're in. Even if this idea, for me, is a bit on the Physics' side, it still displays the essence of true science - to decompose. Science is the understanding of things that exist beyond human comprehension. In science we try to objectify 'events' and formularize theories about them to predict the future or to investigate the past. This is human's attempt to comprehend the 'truths' we we're destined not to innately fathom.

In purest sense, computer science is akin to mathematics by which Einstein dubbed as a "system of thought". Hence, not science.

(to be continued..)

Life is like a Vote

2009-02-05T18:35:00.000-08:00

Since I have been writing so much about my annoying patriotic side, I now make kwento so that like I have someone like to like talk to and stuff. Yeah, that's hot. I know, right?

Today is my thesis paper's Chapter 5 deadline entitled Results and Discussions. Haven't done it yet and it's half the day light I've eaten in my bed. I don't know, I am being stubborn and all again. How can I have results if I haven't finished the research yet? It doesn't make any sense. Have you seen the idiocracy now, I mean at both sides? Funny.

I should have finished the research earlier, but hey, we all have our katamaran days. I don't feel like doing it the past weeks (actually the past months). And besides, we basically still have a month to do the bang bang jengalooness. Well, I do understand why Prof. Racquel requires us to do all these nonsense this yet relatively inappropriate time, time. Yup, he doesn't want us to cram. But hey, it's the jerk we're talking about here.

Hennyways, I want to dedicate this part of my post to God. It's really amazing how He aligns events for the betterment of humanity. First, I went to cloud ninenessinessy for overdreaming about me getting the MEXT scholarship then falling back to hell. Showed me, again, not to make plans and live the hell out of it already. Reminds me that God already has a slated plan and what we actually do for praying is that we ask Him of a humble consideration.

I got so frustrated about my career path that I decided to go directly to grad school. The stubborn bitch that I am huh? The plan is, I'll go for fulltime masterals finishing then after 2 years or so then applying for tons of available scholarships. I figured that it isn't bad to have a bunch of MS degrees, it's quite cool nga eh (Conyotics - the study of showing how intellectual one is, amidst the contrasting reality that one is not).

And the big deal began. Fortunately, things have turned out quite well thanks to my uncontrollably chorva (can't find the right words oh Mirriam) tongue, hell yeah! Roderick, Hazel, Marion, Sir Lyme have also expressed their interest in doing their MSs with me! Special thanks goes to Kuya Lymeness, if not for you man, if not for that wonderful night that you have successfully caught the neighbors WLAN internets(z) connection and browsed into UPD-COE's website that I haven't been able to give the idea a shit.

The next event will lead to an unescapable series of unfortunate events that even I, the jerk, wouldn't even give the slightest jerky power to comprendo. Here comes Prof. Mario Carreon form UPD. Here comes me again wanting to apply for a teaching profession at UPD. Here comes another plan. Well, recommendations are so damn good. This is the part of the post where we branch possibilities for fun.

CASE (Natanggap ako): So cool, I go live inside the campus and live a happy life with myself and my beloved Asus F9-J. Fun (Aliw). Teaching whilst doing the MS dance. What more can I ask for? Well probably you will say a good nice girlfriend will do. I say, yes. break;

CASE (Hindi ako natanggap): Titira ako sa Cainta sa tapat ng Sta. Lucia sa likod ng Tropical sa Greenpark Phase 9 kasama ang mga boarders na babaeng matanda dahil doon ang bahay namin at wala akong trabaho at pag-aaralin ako ng erpats ko at magpapakasaya ako ng dalawang taon sa paggawa ng thesis sa bahay na away kong tirhan dahil nasa Tarlac sila hell yeah. break;

Wow! A Taglish post! Kids remember the lessons we have studied ok? See ya.

Exercises:
1. Define Conyotics.
2. Is the author sane?
3. Cute ba ako?
4. Does the author make any sense?
5. Is citing names cool?
6. If you find your names dancing on one of my posts, what will you feel?

Instructions:
Sagutin ang mga tanong sa isang malinis na papel at ilagay sa isang white legal size envelop kalakip ang inyong proof of purchase ng Aling Nesing's Special Chicharon in a Can.

Ipadala sa:
PO BOX 2897.

Money for a Doc's Thought

2009-02-04T23:44:00.001-08:00

The idea comes from Dr. Alipio, my Physics professor.

Power = Work / Time

Since Knowledge is Power and Time is gold we have,

Knowledge = Work / Gold.

Makes sense doesn't it? Kawawa naman ang landas na pinili kong tahakin.

I Feel Like Postin'

2009-02-04T06:49:00.000-08:00

Yay! It's been a while and I guess I have to write updates abutt mah layf! Enumeration mode!

Overly hyped about the MEXT scholarship last weekend that I forgot about our third prototype presentation for our Undergrad Thesis! Hell yeah! I ended up using my ingenuity with words again. Though I actually did heck a lot of stuff already, it just resulted to something I do not consider as "flashy". Buti pa sila Joshua at Cheti, malupit kayo mga bros!
Everything came crashing down. Age limit for the Undergraduate scholarship for Japan, among others, reached. The Research scholarship requires at least 16 academic years. Yup, so M.S. here I come.
Panganay dilemma. Everything is self-explanatory. Panganay. Aral ng aral. Hindi trabaho. Balik Manila. Gusto nanay Baguio tira. Wawa nanay. Wala pera. Tatlo kapatid boplaks wala pera paaral magulang. UP na naman.
I am "Mister Plan"! "Oh my God! It's the incredible Mister Plan! What incredible planning without application will he do now?!". "Don't you worry citizen. I have quite enough plans to keep you busy for.. say.. 40 years that you wouldn't have time to reach those dreams! Hey, but don't thank me. Thank the government!". "Thank you government you sure are a friend in debts!"
This is the fifth entry and nothing more. Except for the inevitable 5.0 that I can super dooper possibly get from not doing my thesis. Very good Wilmarc, so much for South Korea and Dr. Kim huh?

To end this war. I present you, the infamous photo by Kevin Carter that earned him the Pulitzer Prize for Feature Photography and his death. Reminds me of my childhood and my dreams. Amen.

Torrent at Pampagising

2009-02-03T22:45:00.000-08:00

Ok! Mabilisang post lang ito dahil inaantok na ako. Para sa mga pirata diyang mahilig mag P2P at mahal na mahal si aXXo, para sa atin ito!

Ito pa pala dahil natuwa lang ako.

Isa pa dahil wala akong magawa.

What happened to the Philippines?

2009-02-02T04:18:00.000-08:00

Sorry but I have to double quote this. Too good not to copy. Please take time to read this amazing article and let us all join hands in the fulfillment of a dreamed future. For the original article, please click here.

Ophel Belo is the valedictorian for 2007 at the recently concluded graduation ceremonies of the Filipino Workers' Resource Center - Skills Training Program (FWRC-STP) here in Kuala Lumpur.

Although she never became my student at FWRC-STP, I was fortunate enough to work with her during the center's numerous events. She's quiet but efficient, unassuming yet smart. Despite her brilliance, she is working as a domestic helper here in KL.

In her valedictory address, Ophel had a lot to say about the sad state our country is in.

K. Flores

VALEDICTORY ADDRESS
by: Ms. Ophelia A. Belo

Excellencies, Ambassadors Lecaros and Brillantes, Mrs. Lecaros, Labatt JBJ and Mrs. Jimenez, Faculty Advisers, Embassy Officials, Filcom Leaders, Malaysian Nationals, Princess Becky, Datu Lim Sun Hoe and Datu Sunny Lim, Honorees, Guests, fellow students and graduates, friends countrymen and visitors, good afternoon,

I thank God for this honor and I express gratitude to my country and government for this opportunity. I accept this distinction with both joy and sadness. There is joy in my heart right now because once again I have proven that there is a reward for hardwork, dedication, and excellence. But I am sad right at these moment, I am sad for our country and for our people. I am sad for you fellow graduates. And I am sad for myself.

I am sad that the Philippines, the homeland of brilliant, highly skilled and very articulate people, is now becoming the No. 1 supplier of cheap labor including domestic helper into the booming world of global markets. We can kid ourselves by saying there's nothing wrong in being a domestic helper. Oh come on! I am a domestic helper myself and I'm not ashamed to be so. But then, what?

I am looking at the big picture and I am looking at our country and I am disappointed that there is not much hope if we remain there. I am regretful that every single day, no less than 3,200 Filipinos are leaving the Philippines, many of them for good, in the hope of finding jobs that can send our children to school, buy medicines for our sick, repair our dilapidated shanties or pay for all our indebtedness.

What happened to the Philippines?

Our country is supposed to be the Pearl of the Orient Seas. In 1961, many Malaysians used to envy the Filipinos. They dreamt to study in UP, La Salle or Ateneo. Today, Malaysians are the employers of Filipino domestic helpers. They have sent an astronaut into space, while the Filipinos are still quarreling about government contracts and alleged rigging of elections.

We, the OFWs must begin the process of the renewal for our country. The FWRC is our center of excellence to be able to compete globally and turn around our country.

The global labor markets are unforgiving. The avalanche of rising demands for quality comes rushing every single moment and the standards of excellence keep on rising without pause. Only those who never stop learning will survive in this crazy and mind-boggling competition for skills.

Filipino engineers and technicians in IT who surf the cyberspaces for emerging opportunities find themselves competing with highly competent Indian computer wizards. Indians are also emerging as our OFW's top competitors in the global labor markets.

Our oil and gas engineers are still preferred by Malaysian employers because the local chemical and mechanical engineers prefer to work in UK and in the Middle East. This is the result of globalization of human capital.

Our domestic helpers from the Philippines are still the preferred ones by Malaysian royalty, high government officials and top businessmen. But the Filipino domestics represent only a miniscule 2% of the entire DH market in Malaysia, Indonesia commands more than 90% of the 500,000 household service providers in this country. But the Philippine government is aiming for QUALITY employment. We frown upon QUANTITY or high volume of 5 D's: the jobs that are DIRTY, DIFFICULT, DANGEROUS, DEMEANING and DECEPTIVE.

Even if the Filipina DHs are only few, they enjoy superior benefits. They enjoy Sunday day-offs every week or at least every another week with the two Sundays paid for when they are not allowed to go. They have much higher pay and better terms and conditions of employment. They are allowed to study in the FWRC Skills Training Program.

The Filipino household service workers, along with other OFWs do study in FWRC. They learn word processing, spreadsheet, internet, illustrator, photoshop, autocad and multiple computer applications. They study Commercial Baking, Advanced Cake Decorating, Western Food Cooking, Basic Nursing, Reflexology and Arts and Crafts. They even learn the Art of Communication, Composition and Correspondences, Business and Social Correspondences, Financial Management, Business Development and Entrepreneurship.

The Labor Attache and top Embassy Officials teach BLAWSFIL (Basic Labor Laws for Filipino, a subject created by Labat JBJ as a means for empowerment, to arm the OFWs with fundamental knowledge of the labor and family laws, immigration and even contract laws and criminal statutes. The migrant workers from the Philippines are aware of their rights as well as obligations to employers and host government. They have less chances of being arrested and detained and they are more confident when confronted with legal issues.

OFWs from Malaysia who are now venturing to UK like Lyn dela Rama and Gene Sarmiento, both outstanding FWRC alumnae, have better chances of survival and even excellence in more challenging work environments. Former FWRC resource persons like Dang Penarubia who migrated to Canada have better probability of success than others who went withoug FWRC KASH (Knowledge, Attitude, Skills and Habits)

Today, the 21st of October, here in the Grand Ballroom of Crown Princess Hotel in Kuala Lumpur, few shall graduate those among the 490 who enrolled in January, survived the grueling holistic training in FWRC. Today, the word GRADUATION should be understood as a process, not an end, a process of enhancing elevating, improving and developing the KASH positions of the OFW who made the correct decision to study in FWRC.

Today, also is a COMMENCEMENT, a starting point, a beginning, a point of embarkation to a higher level of consciousness, to a better perspective in life, a much improved point of view and a stronger, higher quality of qualification, a better state of readiness, an empowered new beginning of the rest of our lifetime journey.

The quest for excellence, the drive to win the global labor markets, the hunger for bigger challenges, the thirst for learning -- an insatiable yearning to learn more -- these are the hallmarks of men and women who are geared and programmed for success in life.

The next motto of FWRC is "ON TO THE MARCH FOR EXCELLENCE," both in skills and in Character. Both committed and competent. Thus, today is indeed a day for celebration. But after the celebration, we need to do something for our country.

And so today, ladies and gentlemen, what are we going to do to create a meaningful difference in the future of our country? Evil triumphs because good men do nothing. Let us all do something, no matter how small.

FIRST, let us not remit everything that we earn here. Let us save at least 50% through the Samahang Impok Bayan and keep it until we go home for good.

SECOND, let us all take courses in the FWRC that will help us in our reintegration like Business Management, Entrepreneurship Accounting, Basic Laws and other relevant courses. Indeed it is only bring EXCELLENCE THAT WE CAN TO THE GLOBAL WORLD.

THIRD, let us all write to our congressmen, let us write to our newspaper, let us e-mail jour opinions and let us be active in denouncing the abuses of our political leaders.

FOURTH, let us rally behind honest and hardworking officials and staff in government but let us denounce and expose and charge all those who violate their oaths as public servants.

FIFTH, let us help in the FWRC. Whatever honor we receive today should provide us an inspiration to share our knowledge to other OFWs.

SIXTH, let us discipline our families at home. They should learn to value our remittances and not squander them in luxuries. Let us let them learn that we worked hard for the money and we should not tolerate extravagances.

SEVENTH, let us all be aware of all the economic, social and political developments in our country. Let us monitor what are the trends and programs of our country's future. And let us share our thoughts with those who spend our remittances.

AND lastly number EIGHT, let us all be aware that all that were, all that are and all that will be in the Philippines are driven by economic realities, high population growth, labor excess economy, cheap labor, globalization without safety nets, insufficient social services. All these are exacerbating the pains and sufferings of our people.

These are the reasons why the joy of my success today is eclipsed by the sadness in our situation as a nation and as a people.

We've got to feel the pain so that we will do something about it. We can not continue deluding ourselves. We have to face realities and bite the bullet.

According to a great social scientist: THE FUTURE BELONGS TO THE DISCONTENTED. The Filipinos should start to be discontented with our situation and tell our leaders of our discontentment.

According to a Chinese Philosopher: IT IS CRAZY TO EXPECT DIFFERENT RESULTS IF WE CONTINUE TO REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKES. The Filipinos should accept that there are for too many mistakes and we have to correct them.

And according to Dr. Jose Rizal in his NOLI ME TANGERE, recorded in the history of human sufferings is a cancer of so malignant a character that the least touch irritates it.

Since the time of Rizal until now more than a century after, the cancer is still here -- a SOCIAL CANCER, AN ECONOMIC MALADY.

The only difference is that we can do something about it. Yes we can. And we should. No matter how strait the gate and how charged with punishment the scroll, we are the masters of our fate. We are the captain of our souls, to borrow from Invictus.

Kaya mga kababayan, dapat umpisahan na ang pagbabago, umpisahan sa ating sarili. Kung hindi ngayon, kaylan pa? Kung hindi tayo and mag umpisa, sino pa? Bahala tayo sa ating kinabukasan at bahala tayo sa kinabukasan ng ating bansa Pakaisipin ninyo ito. Huwag kayong masyadong magsaya. Dapat magkaroon din kayo ng lungkot, upang magsikap kayong magbago. Dahil ang mga problema ay hindi nakakatuwa.

Marami pong salamat.

-- GMANews.TV

(Original post by K. Flores: http://www.gmanews.tv/story/68721/What-happened-to-the-Philippines)

The Funny Side of Irony

2009-01-24T01:27:00.000-08:00

What makes us human? Our cunning ability to make the same mistake over and over again.

Time is gold yet not tangible enough at least for me, if not for all (obviously), to walk onto.

Why do we always long for times long been finished? If not for the memory, for the chip of that treasure we've spent on that shimmering something we mistook for happiness.

Regret makes us weak. Yet we know strength because we've been through the opposite.

And though we strive for success we are driven by the failures we wish we never had.

Economia de Filipinas

2009-01-19T20:26:00.000-08:00

Economy, as I see, is a manifestation of a state’s primal need to survive. On the other hand, the government is created by those who believe in a unified approach in success. Yet another form of that primordial instinct to survive. Hence, by this basic transitivity, the government and its state’s economy is chained. Chained in the manner that the government, must, swiftly pull it’s economy to a long-term success and stable development. If so, then totalitarian would be the ideal government when economic development is concerned. If we follow such premise we arrive to something realizable given the preceding facts. True, if we’re dealing with a simple world with discrete truths and consequences with one factor as the government. But in reality, the government’s existence is only at its society’s mercy and that the economy is constituted with other factors. In the Philippines’ case its government plays as the guide, ideally, for private economies or individual market players that constitute to the whole of the country’s economy.

Growth and development is for and by the people. Growth in economic terms is the increase in the absolute value of real output measured by national income accounts. In the other hand, economic development is characterized by stable and increasing growth that usually inhibits socio-political changes. Hence, we can say that both ends of the so called development change is by far different in terms of growth, its peoples’ lifestyle and society itself. The question is, how can we develop? By the preceding facts, we can say that development is attained through growth which in part described by macroeconomic processes. Hence, the ’success’ of a state is defined by the state itself, that is, the people, its territory, sovereignty and its government. Here we can at least peek why governments such that of Russia, Romania, Czechoslovakia crumble grotesquely. Maybe, total control over a state in general violates the core foundation of growth and development, the people. Although totalitarianism is for equity, why do states in such governments slowly decapitate over time being left by democratic governments with free markets? By these facts and by trend, I say that free market is a prerequisite in development but not necessarily democracy.

Now that we have established the general role of the government, let us dissect its more specific jobs. Basically, the government’s task complements that of the people and its society’s. The society is self evolving and the government’s job is to stimulate and guide that evolution to development. This is absolutely true in the Philippines case given that we are comprised of a pyramid of groups and individuals constituting our baranggays, barrios, municipalities, labor unions, educational institutions, corporations etc. These entities are the major actors in this drama called economy by the government as the director to reach the end which is progress. The Philippine government’s answer to the problem of economic governance is the National Economic Development Authority (NEDA). NEDA was created for the purpose of having one planning head to assert problems of policy duplication and inconsistencies. But NEDA’s efforts are nothing if the voices of the people that constitutes the society is neglected. Indicative planning comes to action where individual market players including low-end producers discuss and share their idea of what the objectives should be for a strengthened economic future. This French way of development is adopted by our country for the historical lack of communication between the government planners and private entrepreneurs.

Yet, the innate social problem of equality and equity still lingers and plays a heavy burden in economic development. The income difference between the rich and poor is inherently oceans apart and yet to be resolved. Though we may say that the economic growth that the current Philippine regime boasts has increased the average income of its labor force, it still hasn’t changed the skewered statistics of large income standard deviation. In consequence, the poor is denied of a number of goods and services because of their low income. Following such argument, businesses are not able to thrive in places of low income distribution. If one should argue that the poor or at least the lower economic half of the Philippines is unable to climb the ladder is because they choose not to be competitive, he/she is impartially correct. It is true that the most basic rule of survival is to compete but the inevitability of failure is more likely to the poor majority. If to compete is to enter business, where will the poor get their capital? And if capital is not a problem, how about the taxes that larger businesses throw to smaller ones and to the people as a whole? At least we see that taxation which was devised to foster economic equity is doing its job quite well, sarcasm intended. If to compete is to strive for a better job, how can one earn sufficient income if the education that the government offer for free is the lowest in the country? And if to compete is to at least buy the most basic needs, where will they get the money? All of these questions are not answered by the society itself. It is not a part of that self evolving mechanism. It is the job of the government to provide answers to these questions. Even if true answers are not realizable and non-existent, there are always approximations.

By the year 1997, majority of East-Asian countries suffered from what was called the 1997 Asian Financial Crisis. The crisis was marked start when the Thai government floated its currency, bhat, following a burden of foreign debt. Although the presence of such crisis was known and felt by that time, reasons were not clear. But the fact that the Philippines, together with its neighboring countries, suffered a considerable decline in economic growth and national income accounts by 1997, we cannot extract the ‘true’ growth of our country just by comparing it to succeeding and current economic state. In other terms, the contemporary GDP/GNP growth of our country is not out of the ordinary because we are basically reviving, if not just revived, from the crisis. Compared to South Korea that, together with Thailand, suffered greatly from the 1997 crisis has recovered indifferently better than the Philippines. With respect to our society and the national income accounts of 1997 and 2007, our country has grown fairly well. But relative to other economies, we’re doing quite poor. Following these facts, we can say that GNP, GDP, GDP per capita and other income accounts are just really numbers that is freely given meaning depending on the perspective. Hence, these accounts can be used to blind people and to cover faults of crashing economies.

Numerous government policies have already been issued and presented. Most of it, if not all, are authored by well-educated people. Better education, free-enterprise-based stability, agricultural modernization, comprehensive human development and other policies have been laid down since the start of the new century. Still, the question is why can’t we feel the change? What the government fails to see is that our country is different from that of America, Japan or UK. That we have been deeply bruised by humiliation and stripped-off of self-reliance and confidence. How can we compete if we are not competitive in the first place? The government stimulates us by amplifying our dependency on others, pushing us out of the state, disintegrating our hopes to our country. Even if they flood us with macro policies in education, which the youth cries out for quality, if they do not promote nationalism and believe for one’s self, our country will really be just a human factory for developed economies. The government should foster its society’s culture and use it as a tool to communicate with its people. A tool to unite the different ethno-linguistic groups of our nation. The problem why we cannot have a successful nation as a whole is that we do not know what really is our nation. Different culture is not a problem, the problem is that we do not have one concrete unifying entity that believes on our talents and understands our weaknesses. Yes it should be the government, but the government is ever busy to how the Philippines should be seen fine from the outside, disregarding the immense wound in the inside. I am not a social scientist nor an economist to formulate some empirical policy to manifest what I write. What I have here is an abstract idea of what the Philippine government should be realizing that it is not impossible. Self-reliance, confidence and nationalism.

Society, economy and politics is inseparable. They constitute to what we call our nation. The idea of a government, unlike what we usually perceive, is not a static uniform social entity that is patterned exclusively with each other – different states. Hence, we cannot compare two governments by how they resolve one matter but should be compared by the ends. But society should also play its part by fostering its creation, which is the government, in times when it fails to care for the former. Funny, true, because in our country’s case it is more likely that an infinite loop is created. Exactly my point, self-reliance is inevitably the break.

The Vertigo of Certainty

2009-01-19T18:56:00.000-08:00

Chaos and distress leave us with no choice but to think, dream and wonder about certainty and order. It is in these times of clattering questions we mostly dear for enlightenment and the warmth of such trivial intuitions. It is also in these times that we ironically create ideas of boundless measures, for chaos is anything but borders.

For most of us intellectually deprived of the fundamental roots of logic and mathematics, that has been there for ages, we believe that this world is in order or at least be organized when such glorious day comes. I do not know if it is the master plan of somebody all so powerful, like what we want to believe in, or it is just our own hypocritic understanding of such virtues that we fall into chaos.

Paradox as it may seem that order and chaos are related by such subtle boundaries of logic, we still strive for certainty. Hence we fall for the traps of the 20th century's urge for clarity on to the matters clearly logically proven as not. Mathematics has proven that logic and itself are bound by the foundations it created. As much as what Kurt Gödel's and Georg Cantor's experiences screamingly want to tell us that we are mere victims of the very foundations that we are humans, we still long for certainty.

Yet we have intuition. As abstract as the logic that it is not, it is inherently not the certainty that we were looking for. Either it is innately trivial and recursively as it is or we just fall along with the stubbornness the like of Hitler's. We just don't quit. Certainty is nothing but incomplete. But since we still believe that certainty is the asymptote of Moore's Law, it proves our inability to cope with the continuity and infinity of life and creation implied.

Though we know that not all problems are solved by the algorithms of our finite minds, as what Turing popularly synthesized, we still try. Why? Because we want to. We know we can. And though intuition itself is contradictory provable, we still cling to what we call God.

Either intuition created God or God created intuition to fill the gaps of our incomplete logic. Nobody would really know.

Note: I know I used "certainty" way too much. But that is exactly the point.

BBC's Dangerous Knowledge

Burned through the Chronograph

2009-01-19T00:22:00.000-08:00

Naiinggit ako sa mga batang naglalaro sa kalye. Hinahamon ang mga aso. Nakikipagbunuan sa sasakyan. Nakikipagaway sa patak ng ulan. Sa mga pagkakataong matagal ng naiwan ng panahon sa isip ko, ngayon ay unti-unting bumabalik. Ang mga ngiting nilalabas ng mga labi sa tuwing manonood ng Dragonballs at Eugene. Isama mo na ang mga Paynal Pantasi na tinapos ko sa Playstation na hindi naman sa akin.

Simple lang ang mundo noong late 90's at early 2k, at least para sa akin. Bakit kaya ngayon imbes na ulan ang nilalabanan ko, sarili ko na. Imbes na sasakyan ang katumbang-preso, ibang tao ang katunggali. Lahat tayo gustong maging bata. Lahat tayo gustong bumalik.

Most people would go to their friends for comfort. But I tend to stay here in my room. Contemplating the things that there were and fantasizing the things that might possibly be. As I type, I hear a crow scream in vivid delight. It makes me realize that birds, even one of the most hated ones, survive amidst there lack of faith. What more of us as humans?

Knowledge grows faster than a tree can push itself to survive. Money is spent faster than it is earned. Dreams are created faster then the time we realize that it is not true. Yet we strive for perfection, salvation and eternal peace. Do we not know that these are all but dreams? But that is exactly what makes us strong and weak at the same time, hope. We hope that things will be better the time we stop crying. Love is undying, blind, never-ending and without reasons. Education is the way. Religion is the tier.

Maybe we are right. That every decision we make constitutes to something in the future. That time and everything that fades with it is unrecoverable. That every sliced and diced flesh, every pain we endured, every tears we drank, every people we killed are just mere memories of what we tend to forget. But we then realize that if these things have already faded why do they continue to hunt us down to the very core of our slumbers? Why do they return to us as screams of degraded hope that we wish we hadn't dreamed of as much as the thoughts of mortified things we should have done?

I have never been good with words. And definitely no better with actions. How I wish that time and space are not what Einstein thought they were.

Sometimes we laugh on the deepest and most lonely times of our lives. And those times are the best among the worsts. Each faint smile gives us strength. For each smirk that we taste our own tears, we become invincible for a fraction of the second we are weak.

i lurvesz NSO

2009-01-19T00:21:00.000-08:00

to make the story short, ayaw kong magcurse pero tae napapamura ako sa gobyernong ito!

graduating ako at kailangan kong ayusin ung birth certificate ko na walang nakalagay na male ako. hahaha funny huh you bastard you! unless lalabas sa diploma ko na sex or gender unknown

pumunta pa nanay ko sa sen fernando, pampanga which is so freaking far away from paniqui, tarlac dahil nanakawan ang branch ng NSO sa tarlac

pagkatapos ng buong araw na pagbubuno ng nanay ko sa pila ay tae dahil wala paring nagbago sa sex ko kahit na 2 years ko nang inayos iyon bago ako lumipad! anak ng tokwa!

napakiusapan na gumawa ng sulat ang regional office sa ilocos noon para maayos iyong passport ko at ifoforward nalang daw or something sa Manila para maformalize way back early 2007!

ngayon ung birth certificate ko na hindi kinain ng tanghalian ng nanay ko ay ganoon paren 21 years AGO HOLY ..!

at isa pa ay iyonh kapatid kong 4 years old na wala pang Birth Certificate dahil hindi pa finorward ng local government dito sa paniqui!

note na inayos na namin ito matagal ng panahon dahil may kapaidad naman kaming mag-isip.

sa taas ng tax na binabayaran ng mga mamamayan naman! hindi man lang maaiayos ultimo website! hindi ka man lang makapagreklamo ng maayos!

ang mahirap pa ay kapag nagaayos ka ng mga papel ay kailangang laging may "put". nakakainis! hindi ba sila puinapasweldo at kailangang magabot palagi ng pera para maging maayos ung serbisyo nila?!

sawa na ako sa karereklamo, at kahit anong sigaw mo bingi naman ang lahat. walang kwenta ang pagbaabgo kung hindi itutulak ng lahat.

kung gusto natin ng pagbabago dapat talaga magsimula sa sarili, dahil may sarili din naman ang mga nasa taas.. mga nagkukunwang may pakialam.. nagkukunwang matatalino!

sa bagong taon

2009-01-19T00:20:00.000-08:00

putok putok! sigawan at talunan. halakhakan at batian. kasiyahan at kabaliwan. samantalang ang ilan sa atin na katulad ko ay piniling matulog nang maaga.

hindi ko kasi nararamdaman ang pagiging bago ng taon o ang pagiging manigo nito. siguro sa isa o tatlo o limang aspeto na buhay pa ako, may lakas at ganoon din ang aking pamilya at salamt sa Dios sa lahat.

para sa akin, may nagrunong-runungang tao lang dati na nagsabi na bagong taon ang panahon na ganito pagkatapos ng 300+ days. at ayaw ko ng inuutusan ako.

hindi iba ang december 31 2008 sa january 1 2009. parang katulad ng september 26 at september 27 na bisperas ng birthday ko at bday ko respectively.

hindi ako mas maayos na tao ngaun kesa kahapon. siguro konti pero hindi uber. kagaya ng hindi naman ginaganap ang reunion pagkatapos mismo ng graduation.

hindi naman ako kj at umaayon din ako sa normal dahil hindi ako autistic. kailangan lang talaga ng tao ng isang pagkakataon sa bawat taon na ipaalala sa kanya kung gaano kahalaga ang isang abstract na konsepto. kung gaano kahalaga ang pamilya, buhay, pag-ibig, pera o kahit ang katiting na panahong nginiti sa 365 na unos. at wan port.

masaya ang ginugunita ang ginawa mo noong mismong isang taon ang lumipas. pero ginagawa ko iyon palagi dahil palagi akong nagpapasalmat sa kung ano ako. at malalman ko lang kung ano ako ngayon sa pagkukumpara sa kung ano ako noong isang taon.

mas mahalaga na rin siguro sa akin ang tulog kaysa sa pagtalon mindlessly. malamang gumagawa lang din ako ng dahilan na maging emo.

may sayawan pa sa plazang malapit sa amin noong january 1 ng gabi at buti ay maayos ang tulod ko bago iyon. wala na namang maproject ang mga local govt officials at nagpapasayaw nalang sila. instant pogi points iyon parang pagpapatayo ng basketbol court para sa mga cool na tao.

bakit kaya bulag sila sa mga sirang aspalto at misplaced na mga bgay sa kalsada. ang bagal ng development pero ok lang iyon dahil magaling magpaparty si kapitan at si mayor. wtf.

ganito parin taung mga pinoy, umaasa sa ibang tao. gustong may bumebeybi. hindi naman natin tayo masisisi dahil pagkatpos ng 300000 yrs ng espanyol (popularly known as kastila) eh sabay naman ang amerikano hanggang ngayon. kapit pa rin sa matatag. walang sariling paninindigan at ang nakakalungkot ok lang iyon. dahil ang may ibang paniniwala at iba ay loser at bading at hindi nakakakuha ng hot na babae.

kahit anong galing mag-segregeyt ng basura ni mama, ganoon naman ako ka hindi kaya babaguhin ko. kailan kaya natin makikita ang kahalgahan ng mga bgay na labas sa bilog na pamilya natin?

mayayabang ang lahat ng tao at mahilig manghusga sa inisyal na nakikita at aminado akong hindi ako banal o perpekto man. pero mas maganda siguro kung titigilan nating ikumpara ang sarili nating standard sa pagsukat ng tao. sino ba tayo para gumawa ng universal na rule sa pagiging tao? IEEE?

bihira rin ang pinoy na mahilig magbasa, statistically. wala akong sources at wag nio akong apuyin nang uncited information and generalization blaberi shit dahil gusto kong sabihing ganoon. mahilig lang taong gumawa at magbasa ng survey para bawasan ung buhay nating walang silbi

marami rin ang iniisip na importante sila at ganoon nalang sila magpaimportante lol. aminin natin na saka lang importante kung:
1. mayaman ka
2. may artistahin kang gf
3. hindi ka emo, kasi that's absolutely defeating the purpose
4. politiko ka down to being a kagawad
5. capable kang gumawa ng project without any sort of help from groupmates. benta ka grabe!
6. subrang gwapo o ganda mo na puede na kitang patayin sa insecurity at kawalan ng pag-asa sa buhay
7. mahilig kang magpautang AT mangutang
8. mahilig kang mag-blog sa bulletin board dahil mas mataas ang chance na basahin ng iba ang kayabangan mo by a slight fraction compared sa fs blog na hitiki sa features at napakabilis

Wow! Another Sem has passed!

2008-10-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

Nakakatawa dahil saka lang ako sumulat noong tapos na ung firstsem AY 08-09.
Nakakatawa din at natapos na ung kalahahating taon ko ng pagiging super senior.
Nakakatawa din na ang GWA ko ay 1.52 (U.S. sana) dahil sinablay ako ni Kuya Lyme sa 135 samantalang ako lang ang exempted dun. Bigyan ba naman ak ong 2.0? Nagpamudmud kasi siya ng limpak-limpak na 100+% sa finals. Mabuti naman iyon para makapasa lahat, pero sayang paren kasi hindi ko talaga sineryoso ung problem set.

Masaya naman maski ganun kasi dalawa ang aking 1.0 at isang 3.0 na siya namang PE 2 na Weight Training. Kung titignan nga eh tumalon talaga ung grade na iyon katabi nung ibang mga numbers. Hindi naman ako umaasa na ma US o CS eh, pero kapag andun na ulit eh maiisip mo na kaya mo namang mas galingan.

Masaya ako sa ginagawa ko sa thesis ko pero hindi ko alam kung kayang kong abutin ung December 15 na deadline ng papers para sa 2009 Computing Science Congress. Pero mamatay na, gagawin ko ang lahat maski na hindi pa ako makipagsocialize.. hindi naman talaga eh.. lol.

Ayoko ng bumalik ng Korea kung nagkataon. Pero kung doon lang talaga may offer sakin ng grant para sa MS igragrab ko na. Tutal ung prof na kakilala ni Prof. Jake Kim eh taga-US naman. (as if naman ang cool cool non (hipokrito ako) ).

Nasa Paniqui na naman kasi ako eh kaya ganito.

Oil

2008-06-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

Continuously increasing industrial development worldwide has brought incredible change for
the last century. It has improved the way of how people live and brought about a vast number
of scientific applications. But success is not without sacrifice. With the fact that the factors of
production are nothing but limited resources, oil is the paid price.

Oil crisis is never a new phrase, as early as the 1970's, the demand and supply of oil has
been wobbled by different interests of those that are on power. On the early days, particularly the 1973 oil crisis, oil embargos were issued by the OAPEC, an independent subset of OPEC, against the supporters of Israel on the Yum Kippur War. Oil price was inflated indefinitely with respect to the interests of the Arab producers against the United States, Japan and countries on Western Europe. Demand of oil drastically dropped in the United States prohibiting industrial growth and flared the need of new social and economic reforms. Non-OAPEC countries like Mexico, Nigeria, and Venezuela ripped high profits being substitute oil producers. On the other hand, the demand for oil-efficient goods like compact cars helped countries like Japan ensure a suited future . It was also during this crisis that Japan decided to concentrate more on electronic developments rather than those that involve direct oil consumption increasing the supply of such goods. [2]

A second crusade erupted, the 1979 oil crisis, which marked the start of what was then called
the 1980's oil glut. Iran, faced with the blooming Iranian Revolution and other internal conflicts, forgot about their oil industry. Other OPEC members increased their production to compensate with Iran's but worldwide panic brought an unprecedented inflation. Decreased demand in crude oil together with its high production rate resultd to a temporary market surplus. This glut in oil caused a continuous decline of oil price for six years, until 1986 when it started to fluctuate.[3][4]

The present oil crisis which eventually started on 2003, unlike the old ones, does not only concern that of world powers implicitly battling against resource domain. The increasing development of third world countries and the increase in population ensures an inflated demand. Given the fact that the majority of world industries depend on crude oil as fuel, either directly or inderectly, lag in the worldwide economy is seen. Thus, the concept of peak oil is realized. Peak oil is the point in time when the maximum oil production is reached, after which its rate continously decline. This and the increasing demand from rapid urbanization and heightening standard of living serve as a catalyst for an ensured permanent oil shortage. [5][6]

As oil reserves decrease, its price is eventually controlled by demand. In fact, the dependency or independency on petroleum oil decides whether we survive the following centuries or not, but it is easier said than done. The emergence of newly developed countries like India and China rely on economic models or at least learn from those they succeeded, like the United States and countries of Europe. But we note that heavy dependence in petroleum oil served as an important ingredient in the emergence of such powers, especially on the time of the Industrial Revolution. Independency from oil requires new economic, social and political frameworks and techniques. Failed mitigation will result to worlwide market imbalance and energy crisis. [6][7]

The inevitability of such catastrophy prompts the need for substitute energy sources and the
mitigation of peak oil. By decreasing the demand of oil and inclining to substitute renewable energy sources like the sun, biofuels, hydro-electric and biomass as soon as possible detaches us from larger problems. And by the principle of supply and demand, renewable energy industry will be a profound success. Cities like Masdar in Abu Dhabi will be the standards of survivability and living. World power may shift to other countries and economic balance may then be defined by new different entities. Some industries may fall or succeed or be unaffected. [4][8]

Everything relies on the decisions of those that govern us, either explicitly or not. Certainty
of survavibility is dependent on how well we react to such a problem. In any way, solutions may
provide answers but they also create new problems. With the fact that politics is an unfortunate backbone of economics, a real solution can never be achieved.

References:
[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oil
[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1973_oil_crisis
[3] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1979_energy_crisis
[4] http://www.oilcrisis.com/
[5] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oil_price_increases_since_2003
[6] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitigation_of_peak_oil
[7] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peak_oil
[8] http://www.masdaruae.com/

DotA Addiction Again

2008-05-26T02:17:00.000-07:00

Today, I started tweaking with OpenCV's highgui. Well, what I just actually did was to display hue, saturation and value of my webcam images on separate windows. Nothing much, but it's still a progress.

I am planning to write my own CAMSHIFT implementation. By doing so, I will be able to tweak it in anyway I want, contrast to using the built in one.

But I guess I'll just have to play DotA right now. I feel like there is much much time left and I really don't need to haste things up. Besides, I am pumped up by last night's game with Kuya Nico and his brother, Mike. We literally nailed our opponents, ending with a 32 : 1 kill-death ratio.

Stupid Gay!

2008-05-25T11:34:00.000-07:00

I had my hair did, finally after 2 months. It was the first time I went to a parlor, I used to go to barber shops. I don't know what got into my mind, I usually don't care on how I look, I guess I am starting to realize my need for a new mate, hahaha.

To cut the story short, I don't like my new hair. Now I am on the mainstream gel-wearing part of the Philippine male society. My hair's all spiked up and effing messed up with varying hair strand lengths. What the hell??!!!!!

I take pride on my old boring hairdo. It fits my personality really really well, besides the fact that I resemble Jose Rizal, it gives me the feeling that I am one of the few people who give less effort on physical looks.

Oh well, what's done is done. I guess I'll just have to be happy on what I have and what I am now. But still, I am a perfectionist on my own accounts and have established a well defined image on people. This is like yelling that I do drugs, catch me and throw me to prison.

Note: this is not intended to stereotype. Just thinking out loud, hate stereotypes.

Officially Bumed Out!

2008-05-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

After one whole month of practicing for the Paniqui North District Choral Competition,we ended up grabbing the second place. The sopranos just didn't have the spirit (yes the spirit), somebody just bounced out of the meter and carried the whole choir down to the grave. But hey, we had fun, shouldn't blame anyone.

Guess another chapter of my life has ended. Many lessons learned, people met and money spent. What I hate about us Filipinos, together with my other countless pinoy reklamos, is our being sooooo regionalistic. I am an Ilokano by blood and tongue, so I guess being around with Kapampangans irritates me a teeny weeny bit. I think they are narrow-minded and selfish toward others they consider "not (with) them".

Well, ok, I'll change my tone, I think I am over reacting and generalizing. There is this certain kapampangan barkada that really hates Ilokanos. Sometimes, I hear them say "Ilokano", then laugh afterwards, now what the hell is that? I guess, I'll have to live with the fact that some people don't understand the concept of "culture". I mean, come on, almost everything is culture bound especially the concept of what is right or wrong.

Defending myself from my prior statement, and defending others on the contrasting side of my third paragraph, we're only humans. Thus, humanity is defined by fallibility. But fallibility is not enough reason for not knowing what is right or wrong (on a certain context).

Hmm. It's been a while since my last post and I haven't been using English for half a year now. Well, I actually refrain from doing so. Guess I have to work on my thesis again. Stupid object tracking crap.

2008-05-12T22:37:00.000-07:00

Monday

Tuesday
Umaga:
- 6:00 - Gumising
- 8:30-10:00 - Cmsc 190
- 10:00-12:30 - Cmsc 135
Hapon:
- 12:30-12:50 - Lunch
- 2:30-4:00 - Econ 11
Gabi:
- Magaral ng 3 oras
- Matulog ng 10:00 pm

Wednesday
Umaga:
- 6:00 - Gumising
- 7:00-8:30 - PI 100
- 9:00-10:00 - Cmsc 199
- 10:00-11:30 - Cmsc 141
- 11:30-12:00 - Lunch
Hapon:
- 12:00-5:00 - Mag-aral ng 2 hours, matulog, 190
- 5:00-9:00 - Tupad at Ensayo

(*)Thursday
Umaga:
^- 6:00 - Gumising
//- 7:00-8:30 - PI 100 -- DEPENDE 1.1
- 8:30-10:00 - Cmsc 190
- 10:00-12:30 - Cmsc 135
Hapon:
- 2:30-4:00 - Econ 11 -- CONFLICT 1

(*)Friday
Umaga:
^- 6:00 - Gumising
- 7:00-8:30 - PI 100 - DEPENDE 1.2
- 10:00-11:30 - Cmsc 141
Hapon:
- 5:00-9:00 - Tupad at Ensayo

(*)Saturday
Hapon:
- 5:00-9:00 - Tupad at Ensayo

(*)Sunday

NOTES:
1. 6 Academic subjects, 1 PE
2. Cmsc 135 and 141 may require Machine Problems as requirement
3. Cmsc 190 : Special Problem needs alot of time
4. Cmsc 199 requires alot of reading. Possible topics: PCA, Locality
5. Spend at least 2 hours of studying per subject excluding 190
6. 20 Minimum School hours a week, 28 hours including main church obligation
7. 84 minimum free time hours a week, sleep time deducted, 190 time not included
8. Go to bed not after 10:00 pm

Lessons From Kuya Tute's Blog

2008-05-08T09:28:00.001-07:00

Una, be workaholic. I know it's in my blood

Pangalawa, finish what you've started. Going to make my thesis.

Pangatlo, mag blog. Sayang yung Korea experience e.

Pang-apat, completely burahin ang Warcaft III sa computer na hopefully I will never be tempted to install it back again as I did twice in the past already. Though at the back of my mind, I can always play on the desktop. hehehe.

Pang-lima, treasure friends.

Humans and Machines and Logic: The Lesson

2008-05-05T12:40:00.000-07:00

So, alam nating lahat na AI ay computer na may sariling pagiisip o kayang magdesisyon sa kanyang ganang sarili na parang taong nilalang, dahil sa pop culture, yey!
.
Ito ang catch, ang problema sa AI, pano mo imomodel ang brain o better yet, ang human thinking o logic.
.
Bakit mahirap ito? Dahil karamihan ng mga gngwa ntin o iniisip hindi natin masabi o maipaliwanag kung bakit natin un naisip o nagawa man.
.
Sa madaling salita, walang definite rule na nagdedefine sa human consciousness as a general kumpara sa mga concrete branches nito tulad ng Math (laws,theorems,etc.) o physics.
.
Example, pano malalaman na ung nakikita mo ay aso o tao? Basta alam mo lang na tao pero panu mo naisip na ganun nga?
.
Maraming approximations pero wlang exact concrete model. Actually lahat ng solutions ay tinatawag na approximations lang. Hindi ko na un sasabihin gugulo lang.
.
To establish my point, i want to introduce the INCOMPLETENESS THEOREM. Sabi niya, in my own terms, na there are more truths in any system than the ones we know. We can never know everything as long as we are part of that something that we are trying to define. So, the only solution is we go out of that system and define it from the outside. But by doing so, we are again on another system that we can never completely understand.
.
We know that we know nothing, from the AI illus and from the incompleteness theorem. We are but puppets and papers with fragile existence as dumb as a rock. Most of the times, when we see people whose lives or fate are not as good as ours, we glorify ourselves as we are not them.
.
We say bad things or even hurt people weaker than us. We thrive on other's fears and misfortunes even by the simplest passing of gossip.
.
But who are we to see, who are to view? We do not even know why we breath, why we see or why we know something or the purpose of why we know such.
.
Just like the machines we create we are all imperfect. One way or another we are flawed.
.
But yet, some of us deny God. Most of us do evil.
.
Thus we all lose.
.
.
LOL antok na ko! Violent reactions mag send lang ng smile. Any other reactions, including good ones are not accepted, niloloko nio lang ako e, alam ko namang nakukupalan na kayo

Why we're good at English

2008-04-19T20:32:00.001-07:00

Hindi ba masarap pakinggan kapag nasasabi natin na mas magaling tayong mga Pinoy na mag ingles kesa sa mga kapatid nating bansa sa asya? pero bakit nga kaya tayo magaling?

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko nga iyon kayang ipagmalaki e. Kylangan kasi nating maging magaling doon para magkaroon ng pangalan o pati mukha sa mundo. Kasi alam nating kapag hindi natin pinilit magenglish, hindi na tayo matatanggap na magtrabaho sa ibang bansa. Hindi na tayo magiging flexible.

Mahilig kasi tayong kumapit sa matatag db? Sa high school, sasama ka dun sa barkadang sikat, kakapit ka taong magaling magdrowning o magaling sa math. Kylngan natin ng english para makakapit tayo sa america at kahit papano puede nating sabihing may karapatan tayo sa kultura at bansa nila.

Kapag hindi tayo marunong magenglish, sinong magtuturo sa mga Koreans na mayayaman at napaunlad ang bansa na gamit ang sariling wika at tumatanggap ng minimal na tulong mula sa labas? Di ba nakakatawa na sabihin natin na mas magaling tau sa mga Japanese o Koreans dahil bobo sila sa English? Duh! Tumayo sila sa sariling nilang mga paa, pinaunlad kung ano ang meron sila, di gaya natin. Inuna muna nila ung sa loob nila bago lumabas, gets?

Sukatan ng katalinuhan nating mga Pinoy ang kagalingan sa English ngaun, kasi uso. LOL. Ang gagaling na ng mga bata ngaun kasi habang maaga un na ung tinuturo sa kanila. Pero bakit kaya pinpabayaan ng DepEd na magdominate ang english kesa filipino? assuming na may pakialam sila sa future natin, halos lahat ng bagong karunungan o pati narin mga dati, ginagawa ng mga English-speaking people. Ung mga pinagaaralan sa isang basic science subject, wala naman ata dun ang natuklasan natin. Kylangan natin ng english to acquire knowledge from others because we fail to create knowledge on our own. Saka isa pa, hanggang gaya nalang naman tayo e.

Nakakalungkot isipin na majority ng tao iba ang tingin sa university o college. Nagaaral tayo para makapagtrabaho at kahit papano makapagabroad. Pero sana kaya tayo pumupunta sa mga college para ipush ung industry na pinili nating pasukin. Para tayo ang gumawa ng standards. Kaya nga research o kaya thesis ang major project ng isang graduating di ba?

Walang masama sa pagiging marunong mag english, ang masama yung nabubuong ideology sa likod nito. Yung unconscious effect sa utak natin, na second rate lang tayo, gaya-gaya, kapti sa matatag, and the worst:wlang sariling kultura.

Kung sa utak, bilib ako satin, siempre pinoy ako e kanino pa ako bibilib. Pero siguro kapag dumating ang panahon na nanghawak tayo sa sarili nating kaya at natutong manguna at wag pagtawanan ang mga taong nagpipilit magkaruon ng pangalan sa mundo(kapag gawa ng pinoy wala tayong bilib eh), saka natin mapagyayabang na mas magagaling nga tayo.

usos

2008-04-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

bakit usong uso ung mga self portraits na hinahanapan ng magandang lighting tapos paulit ulit lang naman tapos ipopost sa fs.. ang sagot? ako nagpauso non lolgay.

tapos subrang uso ung mga babaeng 16-18 yrs old na slim ang katawan at subrang cute.. puede namang 19 o kaya 48..

uso rin ung dota. cool naman. pero sa tingin ko naririndi na ung ibang tao sa kakarinig nun.. "dota lang ako, hon/nay/tay/aso/imaginary friend".

uso din naman ung mga babae na mahilig magsabi na, "o tara sige dota tau, di mo pa ko nakitang maglaro no, tinuruan ako ng kuya ko dati e"

uso maging koryan. eh hindi naman uso sa kanila maging factory workers o kaya english tutor. loldongz. bliv me. baba tingin satin lalo na sa mother(paker) country nila. duh!

eh lalo naman ung anime amf! USO! kwento ko lang. err. my nkilala akong 2 japanese teenagers. la lang. kinwento ko ung hilig ng mga noypi sa animu. eh wa pake itong si fafi. tango lang hunyango baklush charush! di pa ako pinansin amf. pati mga classmates kong jap gels di rn nla alam n mhlg pla taung mga alipin sa animu amf! eh pang classy people lang daw un at mahihilig sa porn at pagsasabi n "Hai! kimochi!"

uso rin ang brain drain. aun cool un kasi wla ng ngyyri d2. (exasperated gasp/sigh ->mamili nalang). di nila gayahin ung LTO d2 sa min. kumuha ako ng student driver's license nagbayd lang ako ng 100PhP! san k pa! e samantalang 75PhP un nasa resibo! O HA! naisahan ko sila. kekek!

uso ang emo. feeling ko tuloy lahat ng ggwin ko emo. tsk. tae naman e nagiging conscoius tuloy ako sa pagiging mucho man. (sarcastic statement of stereotypical profoundness)

uso hindi magaral. tae naman kasi eh. sana wla n lang bukas para makapag aral ang lahat ng studyante now na!

uso gamo-gamo. ung kapatid ko napasukan ng gamo gamo sa tenga. lol nakakatawa siya habang umiiyak! bubu kasi nagpapasok. kkkkk <-koryan direk translation of laughter

uso ung SARBEY! nakakainis ung mga sarbey. ung inis na parang ung naraamdaman nio ngaun dahil nakaabot kau sa ganitong pooint. eh kaya lang naman may nagbubukas nun eh para icopy paste at ipost ulit. sila sila lang din naman ang biktima hindi naman ung binabasa eh maliban nlang kung hot ka. sama ko grabe

uso magswimming. kmi hindi uso un kasi sensitive un kutis namin e. yan ang kutis ilokano! rawr! subrang puti grabe. ung patalastas ng nizoral ba un. ung may buni. sabi ng kapatid ko astig nga un e para sa kanya lang un pool. XD

uso magpakatanga. ung kapatid kong 3 yrs old nung isang araw sabi nya na ung mga bulag daw pilay na. hndi namin maisip kung bakit ganun. sabi niya kasi daw matatapilok ung bulag kaya mapipilay. sus! bubu ku!

uso mag-google. search nio "what i hate about filipinos".

uso ung yahoo answers. pero puede din sa google ung "do you hate filipinos?". cool naman e

gud am. dawg. nga pala nakakatawa naman pala ung meet the spartans. paminsan minsan mabuti ung hindi gumgmit ng utak.

Alam nio po ba?

2007-11-30T09:10:00.001-08:00

(1) wala tayong disiplina
(2) napagiiwanan tau ng ibang bansa.
(3) hindi lahat ng tao naghihirap
(4) ang tanga ni Trillanes
(5) wala ng pag-asa magabroad na lahat
(6) madaling magasgasan ang makikinis na bagay. e.g psp
(7) matatalino tlga taung mga pinoy compared sa IBANG asian races. (sori ethnocentric ako)
(8) walang kinalaman ang katalinuhan sa pagunald ng bansa
(9) ang pagunlad ng bansa nasa unity, kusang-loob at sakripisyo
(10) wala taung pakialam kung nakakakita tau ng isang taong gingwan ng msama. pero malakas taung magrekalmo kung ginwan tayo ng.. msama.
(11) walang takot ang kriminal kasi bineybeybi natin
(12) imbes na sumaway sa mga law-offenders.. gagayahin pa kasi meron taung, "kung sila nga eh"
(13) HINDI GANITO ANG PINAS DATI!
(14) major sabdyeks sa skul lahat para maging maayos tayong slaves ng ibang lahi
(15) wala taung matinong curriculum para ISIKSIK sa utak ng kabataan mging PATRIOTIC

KWENTO TAYM:

patawid ako sa kalsada pero red light. wala namang sasakyan. malapit kasi un sa isang middle school na.. school?.. hhe. tumawid lang basta ung isang batang lalaki. sinigawan siya nung isang lalaki na nasa early 30s niya. pinagalitan niya. todo bow ung bata hanggang tuhod.

pati ung 1 time na may nagtapon ng basura subrang pinandirihan siya ng lahat ng taong nakakita.

TANONG: may iniisnatchan sa harap mo sasabihin mo? may nagtapon ng basura sa hindi tamang lugar gagayahin o sasawayin? MAGSABIHAN naman, nakakalimot din tau kung ano ang tama at mali.

CONCLUSION: very uncivilized tayo. nakakahiya. lahat ng puedeng pagsulatan susulatan e.g. pader. makasarili tau kasi wala taung pakialam sa ibang bagay na hindi natin kadugo o kaibigan.

konting sakripisyo lang sana. konting pagtanggi sa sarili para sa iba. para sa kapakanan ng nakararami.

NAKAKAINGGIT, ang ayos ng korea, wala naman silang resources. bakit may samsung, hyundai, lg, lotte tayo wala? sa totoo lang magaling tayo sa business, innovatice ba, ang problema, pagmagtatayo ng business kakainin ka ng BIR, ng Gobyerno. bale, sinasabi nila, wala kang choice kundi mangupahan sa ibang bansa, mag-DH, mag-NURSE, mag-FACTORY WORKER at kami nlang politicians matitira sa pinas para magpatayan.

NAKAKASAWANG tumingala sa ibang bansa, nakakapagod sumunod! bakit hindi ba tau puedeng maging US? maging JAPAN? SINGAPORE? o kung ano pa?

MAMAMATAY na lang ba taung ganito ibibgay natin sa mga anak o apo natin? kaibigan, ano ba naman ung sabihin mo sa anak mo na ibulsa ang basura kung walang pagtatapunan. maging ROLE model sa klase na hindi gumgwa ng mga bagay na gngwa natin palagi. ulit-ulitin lang. paglalabas makakalimutan nga naman kasi kasama hindi ganun. e PANO kung lahat tayo GANUN? EDI ANG SAYA!

IDEALISTIC masyado ang idea?? LOOOL! eneweiz, hindi ako tanga na magpapabaril sa luneta para lang mapansin.

PERO please remember this, sa lahat ng tao na lumabas ng bansa alam ito (general idea LANG sa atin), MAID-RACE tayo, TANGA, MANDARAYA, nakatira sa isang bansa na walang identity (kapit sa matatag),insekto,kahihiyan sa ASIAN race.

HINDI nga ata tau marunong mabuhay sa sarili natin. Bakit ang China, Japan, Korea. STRUGGLING sila sa ENGLISH ngaun! ang maling isipan ntin nmana ang GAGALING natin! TANGA TALAGA! ibig sabihin nabuhay sila ng walang tulong ng STATES.

SASABIHIN nio, language lang naman ang english wala namn knilaman sa pagkapit. yun na nga un eh!

GISING!! PARE-PAREHO TAUNG KUMAKAIN NG PAGKAIN SA EARTH! Pinoy magaling ka! wag mong sasabihin na kaya hindi mo gagawin kasi hindi mo kaya at nagawa nila un kasi mas magaling sila!

-wdl

SORI

The Laws Of Science and God

2007-09-28T00:19:00.000-07:00

I just thought that what if the fundamental laws of science, which were derived from nature by humans, actually restricts us from seeing the true nature? Thus, these laws actually controls the nature by controlling how we humans perceive it.

Halimbawa, the law of gravity. Hindi kaya dahil we think that there is a law of gravity kaya hindi tayo makalipad? Newtons' Laws, hindi kaya dahil sinabi ng isang tao na may inertia kaya talaga nagkaruon ng inertia sa isip natin?

By saying this, isn't it that we humans have power over any other things? We can choose to breath under water if we choose to or destroy nature as we are doing. All we have to do is choose.

But yet again here comes the question of who gave us the power to choose and to govern over these things? It is then that we realize the limitations of our powers. We can't control what our five senses cannot perceive. And as we seek for more power we create theories and laws for the things we really don't understand then we'll say, "Rejoice! For us humans are the most intelligent beings".

You see, we humans cannot comprehend things which are infinite in nature. And thus these laws we created are tools to "discretefy" such. And then we'll say that these "discreted" ideas from nature which we call "facts" are the truth. The effect, we miss the things in between.

Because of this, some people do not believe in God. They depend to much on how they understand the world. But the world itself is an infinite entity having infinitely many infinitely structured things. We are like 7-year old boys fighting for something we think is true but is really not. Our puny minds can never understand anything perfectly but yet we boast that we know all.

One evidence that we have an incredible love over discrete things is this:
Kapag pagpipiliin ka sa dalawang trabaho anong pipiliin mo:
(1)bilangin lahat ng tao; or
(2)bilangin lahat ng points sa line na y = x.
And we'll all answer in shouting unison, "1!".

Now, let me give you an example of a simple law that almost all of us are familiar with (also from the previous example) , the line y = x. We say that this line passing through the origin and having a slope of 1 is actually infinitely straight. Firstly, we know that infinity exists but we box infinity on how understand it. What if the real infinity is not actually the infinity that we think? Secondly and lastly, we restrict the pitiful line to just be straight. What if somewhere this line decides to turn right and proves the whole science wrong?

Sometimes we cry over something we know we shouldn't be. Nakakalampas tayo sa isang problema na parang kamatayan nalang ang takas. Ngumingiti tayo kahit nasasaktan at umiibig kahit bigo naman. Palaging may bagong araw para magsimula. For these things science explains it in a way that we can say "Ahh!" but God shows it in a way that we can say "Thank you".

A Filipino Story: Rage Against Our Own Demons

2007-09-28T00:14:00.000-07:00

(written September 14,2007)

My stay here in South Korea for three months now has given me a lot of opportunity to talk to different people, and listen to their stories. One of those stories have brought light upon me on how we Filipinos drive our own faith.

Meron isang matandang koreanang propesora dito kung saan ako nagaaral. Meron siyang Ph.D. (Doctor of Philosophy) na title sa Sociology. Kuwento niya, way back 70's Korea was very very very poor and their government was realizing ideas on how to improve their economy. One solution is, magpadala sa Pilipinas ng mga mag-aaral na Koreans.

Bakit? Sabi niya, dati ng mga panahong un isang "living legend" ang Pilipinas. Isang progresibong bansa na isa sa mga nangunguna sa buong mundo. Ang nakakataba ng puso sabi niya, pumunta sila sa UP Diliman para pag-aralan to know "how the Filipinos do it?", and then apply nila sa Korea. Sabi niya nung panahon na iyon, inggit na inggit daw siya sa mga kaklase niya sa UPD dahil mayayaman sila at nakakakain ng masasarap na pagkain. "The Philippines was willing to help our poor country", she added.

Tears started to fall, sa akin at sa kanya. Imagine how the Philippines was. All the glory, all the triumph that were. By that time, it made me even prouder that I am a Filipino, sa puso at diwa. And then, she finally asked, "What happened?", and everything shattered away like a breaking mirror. Seeing how weirdly my face reacted, she changed the topic, "So how's your korean life?", she muttered.

In the Philippines, I thought that the world is suffering the same problems and crises our dear country is having. And wasted 19 years of my life watching people kill each other, destroy nature and disobey the law in every imaginable way. Then there was this chance to see another country, another culture. Sabi ko, "Demmet! and I thought that all of humankind is suffering".
Sabi nila Pinoy daw flexible kaya kayang-kaya nating mag survive sa kahit anong bansa. Tama! Ang galing, kasi wala namang Pinoy na balasubas sa ibang bansa eh, majority. Kung hindi puedeng tumawid hindi naman tatawid! Kung hindi puede magtapon hindi naman magtatapon! Kung dapat pumila, pumipila! Ang galing natin noh? Ang problema, bakit sa atin hindi natin magawa? Nasan ang disiplina?

Sa MRT, kwento sakin ng isang kaibigan ko, sabi daw ng isang mama, "Gulangan lang yan eh, kung hindi ka magulang hindi ka makakasakay", pagkatapos niyang isiksik ung halimaw niyang katawan sa tren. Isipin nio.. kapag halimbawa pumunta siya sa America at sumakay ng tren, sasabihin ba niya yun? HINDI! Bakit? kasi nahihiya siya, kasi alam niyang mali isiksik ang sarili at hindi isipin ung ibang tao. So, ang punto ay, walang hiya ang Pilipino sa kapwa niya Pilipino. Magaling lang tayo sa pag-please ng Iba, mga ibang tao na wala namang nagawa sa ating bansa.
And you know what's funny? We're a Christian country. And not just any Christian country, but the first in Asia, sabi nga nila.

Ayaw niyo ba na kapag umuuwi kayo hindi kayo natatakot mag txt? Kapag naka-mini skirt hindi takot kung mararape? Kapag iniwan ang bahay walang magnanakaw? kapag may laptop na dala hindi tatambangan? For me its a matter of discipline. Wag tayo magtapon kung saan-saan. Huwag mag-angkas o magbaba kung saan gusto.

And you will say, pano un? Kung hindi namin gagawin un talo kami! Kasalanan ng gobyerno! Tama na mali eh. The government's really not doing its job to provide its citizens the protection and love we deserve. Simpleng SSS at GSIS na nga lang eh. Simpleng pakain o simpleng pabahay kinukurakot pa. Lalapit ka sa pulis 10,000 yrs bago maresolbahan. Justice is money, if you dont have much, you wouldn't even have the least.

So, its a loop, naghihintayan tau, sa comsci we call that DEADLOCK. One way to resolve a deadlock is to make one process "stay back" for the other to continue. Else, restart.
So either the government or the citizens will initiate the change OR we all go back to the stone age.

- WDL

P.S.
I just realized that I might be saying this dahil nakapag-aral ako, nakakakain ako ng masarap at hindi nagugutom at the very least. Meron akong tirahan, may kumot at may electric fan. Hindi kaya ng masa ang magbago sa sarili niya dahil ang masa ay mahirap at puno ng problema, bakit pa nila idadagdag kung paano baguhin ang bansa. This is a job for us. Sa mga nakakabasa nito, meron taung pang-internet, meron taung pang-DotA, meron tayong pang-pamasahe. Higit sa lahat, marunong tayong magbasa.

We can help our country just by doing or not doing simple things. Ayokong magising isang araw at wala tayong choice kundi sumunod sa mga ibang lahi kasi nabili nila ung Pilipinas. O kaya naman mangibang-bansa para lang hindi maging Filipino. We should be thankful that we have a country kung saan kinuhanan natin ng hangin nung unang beses tayong huminga. Ayoko sa ibang bansa, kasi meron akong bansa. Ayoko sa kultura nila kasi meron naman tayo. I'm writing this for the hopes that my children will live their lives super proud of being a Filipino, not just because of their hospitality, but specially by their intellect, skills and culture that the world is ignoring now.

Superiority?

2007-09-28T00:09:00.000-07:00

(pinost ko po sa Bobong Pinoy - 6/22/2007)

Mga Kabobo,

Ito po ang unang beses kong magpopost dito, sana po ay ayos lang. Ako si Wilmarc Lopez ng UP Baguio at kasalukuyang exhange student sa South Korea ng Computer Science. Ako po ay 20 yrs old sa Setyembre. Gusto ko lang po kasi ilabas yung mga nasa utak ko, baka po kasi sumabog.

Nung una sa tingin ko ang mga Koreano ay masusungit, itsura lang pala nila. Nabilib ako sa ganda at ayos ng lugar, walang scuater kahit na 15 million mahigit ang tao sa Seoul, Seoul lang po yun. Puno ng nagtataasang apartments ang mga resedential areas kung saan karamihan ng mga tao ay doon nakatira. Bihira ang magkaruon ng lupa na may iisang bahay na nakatirik (sa siyudad). Kahit na sampung taon ka nang nakatayo sa gilid ng kalye, naghihintay para tumawid, ay hindi parin puede hanggang hindi pa green ang ilaw ng tao sa poste. Bihira ang nakawan. As in bihira to the highest level ika nga.

Propesor kong koreano ang sumundo sakin sa Incheon airport kaya nagkaruon kami ng pagkakataon para makapagpalitan ng palagay. Napagusapan namin ang tumataas na bilang ng Koreano na pumupunta sa ibang bansa, lalo na sa Pinas, para lang matutong mag-english. Para sa kaniya, "shit" daw iyon. Bakit? Dahil kahit saan naman daw mag-aral ng english kung hindi rin naman gagamitin palagi ay ganun at ganun din. Totoo naman sa tingin ko. Pinatotohanan ko pa ito sa pagsabi na sa Baguio ay nagkukumpol-kumpol lang ang mga Koreano, naglalaro ng golf araw-araw at may sariling mundo. Paano nga naman sila matututo.

Nasabi din niya na nung 70's ang dating presidente nila ay nagwika na, (trandslated na lang po) "Tignan ninyo ang Pilipinas! Sana ay maging katulad tayo ng Pilipinas". Sa tono pa ng pagsasalita ng propesor, inggit na inggit talaga ang dating presidente. Nagulat ako dahil hindi ko alam na ganun pala dati, akalain niyo!

Nung nilibre ako ng dalawa ko pang ibang propesor ng noodles na may yelo at halo-halong gulay na hindi ko maintindihan ang lasa, napasok din ang usapan tungkol diyan. Papaano naman kasi eh medyo natatamaan ang pagiging "nationalistic" ko sa mga sinabi nila (nakalimutan ko na kung ano) kaya nasabi ko na lang na magagaling ang mga Pinoy, matatalino at may disiplina, ang problema ay sa Politika. Pero Pinoy din ang nasa Politika kaya una palang ay nakakitaan ko na ng butas yung sinabi ko, kaya sabi ko na lang nasa dugo nila (pero hindi ko nilahat). Alam kong may maganda at pangit na resulta yung sinabi ko kaya, "churi po". Siguro mahuhulaan niyo na kung anong sinagot nila, opo, sabi nila, (translated po ulit) "Ganyan din ang bansa namin dati. Madumi ang politika, garapalan, pero nagbago lahat alang-alang sa pagkakaisa".

Nung isang beses na sumamba ako dito, sapagkat ako po ay isang Iglesia ni Cristo, ay may nakita akong Koreano na agad namang kumausap sa akin. Mukha daw akong istudyante sabi niya (na sadyang kataka-taka dito dahil karamihan ay mga factory workers). "Ye", sabi ko bilang pagsang-ayon at sabay sabing IT ang pinag-aaralan ko. Aba eh binanatan ako ng, (translated na po, hirap kasi english eh) "Alam mo, ang teknolohiya dito ay malayo sa kung ano ang meron sa Pinas kaya dapat kang magsikap para hindi ka mahirapan, ok? Payo lang naman para sa iyo". Anak ng tokwang hinulugan ng taktak! Nang maliit yung singkit! Ang nasabi ko na naman eh, "Manong, sa Pinas ang tanging madumi lang ay ang politika, mga utak ng Pinoy ay malinis at matatalino". Edi tumango lang si Shaolin Temple.

May lakas ako ng loob na sabihin iyon dahil mas magaling naman ako talaga kaysa sa mga 24 year old na 4th year college dito sa IT! Yun ang sa tingin ko base sa pinag-aaralan nila. Pero titignan ko palang sa Setyembre (simula ng klase) kung totoo nga. Sa ngayon, maniniwala ako na mas magaling tayo sa kanila.

Bottom line, napatunayan ko na ang pag-unlad ng isang bansa ay hindi masusukat sa indibidwal na pagtatagumpay ng mga mamamayan nito kundi ang sama-samang pagkilos tungo sa pagbabago. Lamang nga sila sa paligo pero sa tingin ko ay mas lamang tayo sa talino. Iyon nga lang ay nasobrahan na naging expert na sa panlalalang ng kapwa. Hindi ko masisisi ang mga Pinoy professionals dito na nakakausap ko sa pagtuya sa sarili nating bansa samantalang sinasamba ang Korea maski factory workers lang sila. Malaki kung sa malaki ang kita. Basta magsipag ka, tiyak uunlad ka. Hindi daw katulad sa Pinas na nagkanda-kuba ka na sa pagtratrabaho asin at toyo parin ang ulam mo.

Nakakatawa dahil ang Pilipinas ay lumalaking paurong samantalang ang mga bansang dating tumingala sa "perlas ng silangan" ang siya naman ngayong ating tinitingala.

Love,
Wilmarc Lopez