Sa Pangatlong Buwan

Mga pitong taon na ang nakalipas noong huli kong tinanong si Robert ng "Pare, what is love?". Sasagutin niya ito ng "Love is playing every game as if it's your last.". Ibang klase talaga si Jordan, masyadong nakaka-apekto ng pagkatao.

One of the things I have learned the past month is that maturity is measured by how responsible we are over our own decisions. Nobody told me to love Kaye and to give everything I can to make her feel loved and special. Though I am not perfect and that my love may not be even enough to equate her sacrifices, I promise to stay with her always and to support her on every decision she makes, as much as I can, given my humanity. Yes, she is younger than me by birth-age but never in heart- nor mind-age. I do not want her to feel being controlled nor manipulated by my subconscious enforcement of my delusional philosophies. I want her to create her own dreams and catch them on her own. For it is in that sense I shall feel that I have made my part -- to help her be the best she could.

I fear that I may not be best man for her. That she may meet someone much much better than me. But such thought does not bring me down. Rather, it is a constant slap in the face, a reminder that I should not be doing the mistakes I have done in the past. On another perspective, she, herself, brings the best in me without effort. Oh yes, it is those sweet touching smile and burning eyes inviting me to her soul that keeps me striving to be the best in everything I do and will do.

If she can be me in a minute, she will know how much happiness she brings in my life. Not just the temporary ecstasy she injects every time she hugs me but also the ever lasting stitched-smile she makes me do from the thought that she is mine.

We know it is not easy. It never were. With the innate imperfections we have, we can not promise not to make mistakes but with utmost effort we will do our best not to take it against the other but rather an effect of the shortcomings we ourselves have committed.

She may not be the best woman in the world but she is the best lover for me. Though we are not each others' first lover, we pray that we are each others' last.

And for all of this, I know for sure that love is indeed giving our all. It is a choice. So as happiness, and contentment.

Happy 3rd month mahal ko! To eternity with you.

Sa Bagong Kapitulo

This is the time I stop again and think about my life. I told myself that if ever God gives me someone to be with, I would stop procrastinating and start doing great things. I thank Him for giving Kaye. I cannot ask more. But the question is, am I ready to do greater things from now on?

Kaye is the cue that I should be doing something significant. That I should be doing my part of the contract. Sakit ko ito eh. Masyado akong nage-enjoy sa isang bagay at nakakalimutan ko na yung mga kailangan kong gawin. Hindi niyo rin naman ako masisisi dahil mahal na mahal ko talaga siya. Next step is to channel that love to something productive in the sense of being useful to others and being able to be great. Whatever that means.

Fortunately, Kaye's effect to my life is more than I ever wanted. She makes me think of far more beautiful things. She does not only make me dream of greater dreams but also make me feel that we'll eventually catch them.

Kung may leveling ang love, sa amin na siguro yung pinakamataas. Nabubuhay kami sa pang-unawa sa isa't-isa. Naniniwala kaming sa pagbibigay ng tiwala at kalayaan naipapakita ang tunay na pagmamahal. Walang galit. Walang bahid ng pagmamaramot. Walang ni katiting na pagmamakasarili. Hindi ko akalaing makakakita ako ng taong pareho ko ng konsepto ng pagmamahal.

Ito na ito. Malaki na ako. Ibibigay ko sa kanya lahat at ipapanalangin kong huwag itulot na paghiwalayin kami ng pagkakataon at lalo pang higit na pagigtingin ang pagtitinginan naming hindi nawawalan ng kilig sa panahong magtatama ang aming mga mata.

Salamat sa Diyos. Gagawin ko ang lahat para maging yung taong hindi lang niya hindi ikahihiya pero yung tipong ipagmamalaki niya sa mundo. Para sa iyo ito Kaye. Para sa atin. Para sa panahong ipagsasama natin habang buhay.

On Papa's 44th

Only three hours have passed after my father's 44th birthday officially ended. I stop, look around, observe and try to formulate answers to the littlest questions that pop from my head this time. The efforts, the tears, the years that have passed. It is the time I ask myself, "What do I really want?".

It was in 2007 that my view in life changed big time. I was never this idealistic. I was never this dreamy about things way beyond my grasp. It is only now that I see the triviality of my existence, and everyone's as well. It is only now that I am growing.

You see, society has kept us blind from the beauty of introspection and the thoughts that dreams are made to be followed not just to be stared upon. We do not get what we want because of luck but because of all the sweat-drenched t-shirts we washed. It is only not that success is the fruit of our labors but also the other way around.

Life is a sequence of problems ordered in an approximately increasing difficulty. We encounter a question, we try to solve that question, we find answers, we move on then encounter another problem. If we look at it this way, then life is all about puppets climbing a mountain with a non-existent peak with a constant supply of boulders ramming on their, the puppet's, faces. The puppets know they're not free but have no grasp of what's on the other side of the string. All they know is that it moves in weird intervals leaving them fate to gravity's mercy in between.

We cannot serve two masters but masters can have two slaves. It's either I stick with pursuing my research career or stop and go lead the money-making train. Shall I try to be a great scientist or a superb manager? In the end, it all boils down to what we need. I need money to feed myself and to keep my family kicking and alive. But I also need to do what I want to do as it keeps me from falling from this self-made pedestal of ego and pride. Funny, I practically type-casted a want to a need.

Proves my point. Nothing is absolute. Reality itself is relative. Right now, I shall go expand my horizon. No time for senseless lolligagging.

Sa Banal na Hapunan

It's been quite a while, I guess. Looking back, things have changed drastically just over the past year. I may not be the best on what I do but I am happy being able to teach and influence the brightest minds in the country.

I know I am not perfect. I am not even teacher or professor material with all my "wala salugar na kalokohan", but this is who I am.

Hindi ako magiging kasing yaman ng mga ka-batch ko o kaibigan kong nagtratrabaho sa labas ng academe. Hindi ako magiging kasing sikat ng mga tao sa telebisyon. Hindi ako magkakaruon ng sobrang gandang asawang mabait, mapang-unawa at sobrang talino. Hindi ako ang pinakamatalinong tao at lalong hindi ako mas matalino sa mga tinuturuan ako. Nagkataon lang na nauna ako sa kanila. Pero hindi ang mga ito ang sukatan ko ng tagumpay o ng kaligayahan.

Salat man ako sa pera puno naman ako sa pagmamahal sa ginagawa ko. Wala man akong maipagmamalaking kagandahang lalaki pero may mga kaibigan akong patuloy na nagmamahal sa akin maputulan man ako ng ulo. Mamahalin ko kung sino man ang ibigay sa akin ng Dios na makakasama ko habang buhay maging sino o ano man siya. Sisikapin kong maabot ang mga pangarap ko kahit na mamamatay din naman tayong lahat sa huli.

Hindi ako nagtuturo para sumikat o para ipakita kong mas mataas ako sa iba kundi dito lang ako masaya. Gusto kong mag-research, maging doctor hindi dahil mas mataas na uri ako ng tao kung nagkataon kundi gusto kong may maibigay sa mundo, sa sarili kong paraan.

Para sa babaeng hindi ko pa nakikita o nakita ko na pero hindi ko lang pinapansin, maghintay ka lang dahil sa ngayon, masaya pa ako. Puwede ka namang ngumiti kung gusto mo at sabay tayong tatakbo.

A 1:00 am Thought

Wilmarc Lopez feels that nothing fades with time. Everything just turns into something better or worse that comes ramming to our faces every time we make decisions. And no matter how hard things are, we still manage to pick ourselves up and put our body parts together, because we already ate that crap before.

An Open Letter to "101.9 For Life"

Good day!

First let me apologize for the informality of this message. I don't usually listen to FM stations but it has come to my knowledge that yesterday, DJ China Heart allegedly criticized the government's decision over the so called INC holiday.

And with that, I respectfully and strongly suggest that before you broadcast something, especially strong statements, please make sure to consider both sides of the "equation".

The INC has been here for 95 years, culminating the Filipino nation in almost every aspect. Health, education, charity, some sort of unification and stability, and hope for many, unfortunately not DJ China Heart, among others amidst the blurring good future for our government and being a nation as a whole.

In fact, the INC is considered to be an international church that has its roots here in the Philippines. It implicitly imparts a huge part of being a Filipino to the whole world reaffirming that Pinoys are still God-fearing, deed-doing, nation-loving people amidst strong punches of bad connotations and stereotypes from other races.

Taking to account what you call "Freedom of the press/media", I say you have all the legal rights, but please remember that every concept of freedom we have has a responsibility glued to it.

More power!

Shooting Games and Random Crap

Dahil naglalaro ako ng Bioshock at Call of Duty 2 ngayon, wala lang.
Must watch ito!